You always told me to be patient and to show love and respect towards those who are important to me.
I did, believing that my kindness towards all the people and my respect towards all the others, one day will come back to me.
But it didn't.
Life isn't always easy and full of roses and flowers. Life is also hard, unfair and painful.
I always hold on to the beautiful moments in order to overcome the difficult time in which I am.
It was easy to do so because they were in the majority.
But slowly but surely the things start to change.
The scale of happiness and sadness swaps its place.
It's not easy anymore to keep the good times from my past in my mind while fighting with my present.
People who I love more than anything else start to rob my energy and my force to keep up.
I'm tired of listening to loud voices and ugly words, full of hate and selfishness.
I'm tired of picking up the broken pieces of glass... and your broken hearts.
What about me?
I feel like standing in between you on a battlefield and get hurt in every moment you attack each other.
You are pushing me under the surface and ylu are taning my breath away.
Don't you see that?
Don't you see that I get smaller and smaller with every further word you say?
Your egoism destroyed my
self-confidence and my inner peace.
I'm suffocating.
Where can I recover my zest for life?
What have you done to me?
You made me to the person I never wanted to be.
Too serious. Too gloomy.
I know that you love me like nothing else and that you would do everything I want you to do.
Really, I have everything.
A bike, a piano, a bed, educational stuff, a cat, a big warderobe full with clothes. But this is life. Sometimes good and sometimes unfair.
Somehow you don't know how to handle that unfair kind of life, although you had to experience it for a very long time.
I've also experienced things that have traumatized me and I had to handle it all alone because I didn't want others to know how my life looks like.
I had to go through things that destroyed me as your child and my imagination of our happy family.
You know.. being honest with your child is good. But nevertheless there are things that no child needs to know if it wants to keep that imagination of a happy family.
I didn't want you to know about my feelings, although it would be good for me to know that you are conscious about my thoughts and that I get hurt by your actions.
But I didn't want to add more pressure and load on you because you've had enough.
I can imagine that it's very hard to think that your child is unhappy.
Well for me it is hard to know that you are unhappy.
So I'm standing here, tied to you.
Trying to carry you.
Living the 'good life'.