21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 413
Doctor Foster
Went to Gloucester
But the police followed
As he was an imposter
PUT DOWN # 65
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
If he says “hey a thought just crossed my mind”
Give him a measured look and say
“So, a thought crossed your mind?
Well it must have been a long and lonely journey”.
I HEARD ON THE GRAPEVINE THAT CADBURY
I heard on the grapevine that Cadbury
Are moving production to China
Which will involve some rebranding
For example the Chinese Wispa
I USED TO WORK IN A PLANT
I used to work in a plant
Specialising in shoe-recycling
And I hated every minute
It was utterly sole-destroying
THERE ARE MANY PIT FALLS
There are many pit falls
In the relationships game
Take same-sex marriage
Where sex is always the same
I HAVE AN UNUSUAL PHOBIA
I have an unusual phobia
Which people find strange
I hate new minted coins
But then I dislike all change
DID YOU KNOW THE REASON WHY
Did you know the reason why
Unattached women go to Wimbledon
It’s because they were told
There was a men's singles event on
I GET TOGETHER WITH MY GIRLFRIEND
I get together with my girlfriend
For someone to one time
Which is why I usually meet
Up with her at 12:59
I WAS INVITED TO A PRETENDERS GIG
I was invited to a Pretenders gig
And wasn’t sure how to react
I really like live music performance
But didn’t want to see a tribute act
I WAS DRINKING IN A BAR WHEN
I was drinking in a bar when
A Smurf walked into view
And the smiling bartender
Said 'hey man why so blue?'
MY WIFE WANTED TO GO AND SEE THE CURE
My wife wanted to go and see the Cure
And was surprised at my apprehension
Wondering why I didn’t want to see the Cure
I said I’d rather see the Prevention
BEING AN ENGLAND SUPPORTER
Being an England supporter
At a World Cup or Euro’s melee
Is likened to over-optimistic parents
Of the fat kid on sports day
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