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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 262

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 262

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 412

    Tuesday’s child isn’t full of grace
    Because she and her friend Trace
    Are full of cheap cider and ale
    And will end up in A&E without fail

    WHEN WE WERE KIDS, WE WOULD GO

    When we were kids, we would go
    Out in the freshly fallen snow
    And have a massive snowball fight
    Doing battle till the enemy took flight

    PUT DOWN # 64

    Put downs work the best
    For deflecting unwanted attention
    But try to be amusing
    As this relieves the tension
    If he says “hey doll can I buy you a drink”
    Give him a measured look and rebuff
    “Look I know we all sprang from apes,
    But I’m afraid you didn't spring far enough”

    I'M LOOKING FOR THE GIRL NEXT DOOR TYPE

    I'm looking for the girl next door type
    In my hunt for the perfect partner
    So I'm just going to keep moving house
    Until the day I eventually find her

    MY BROTHER IS SO PESSIMISTIC

    My brother is so pessimistic,
    No matter what his circumstances
    If there was a pessimism Olympics
    He wouldn't fancy his chances

    WHEN THE UMBRELLA

    When the umbrella
    Was first invented
    It was to be called a Brella
    But the man hesitated

    GREAT BRITAIN WERE INVITED

    Great Britain were invited
    To the Belgium town of Mons
    For the sun tanning Olympics
    And the whole team got Bronze

    PORNOGRAPHY IS OFTEN FROWNED UPON

    Pornography is often frowned upon,
    And viewed as degenerating
    I frown when I’m watching it
    But that's because I'm concentrating

    I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS,

    I've been married for 10 years,
    And mostly it’s been heaven
    It’s not all plain sailing as I
    Haven’t made a decision for seven

    GOING TO A FANCY DRESS PARTY

    My friend told me he was going
    To a fancy dress party
    Dressed as an Italian island
    I told him not to be Sicily

    ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK CAN STRIKE

    Anaphylactic shock can strike
    Even if you are normally well
    And I can give you the cause
    Of Anaphylaxis in a nutshell

    COMBINE HARVESTERS

    Combine Harvesters
    And you'll have a really big restaurant
    But a note of caution
    Service will still be at best, nonchalant

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Ha Ha, enjoyed the lot, Biggus!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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