Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 259

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Woking, United Kingdom
    Posts
    2,204
    Blog Entries
    109

    A Little Bit Of Humour # 259

    BURNING GUY FAWKES THE H&S WAY

    Health and Safety were in charge
    Of lighting the Bonfire this year
    One of them struck the match
    And ten more held an extinguisher

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 409

    Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
    Kissed the girls and made them cry
    The power he liked to relish and savour
    He now knows was inappropriate behaviour

    GOLFING EXPECTATIONS

    I was retired and played quite a lot of Golf
    I teed off hoping for a good round ahead
    And had the intention of shooting my age,
    But unfortunately I shot my weight instead

    A paraphrasing of one of the great Bob Hope’s gags

    THE HALF A CHICKEN CROSSED THE ROAD

    The half a chicken crossed the road
    Because he had no one beside
    So, the reason it crossed the road
    Was to get to its other side

    PICKUP # 22

    When you’re on the pull
    If you want to break the ice
    Say something funny
    Or say something nice
    Be devastatingly witty
    Or say something clever
    Be complimentary
    Or just lie in your endeavour
    “Oh please don’t stop”
    You can begin to say
    “Because I don’t get to see
    Beauty in motion every day”

    AT THE APPLE BONFIRE NIGHT PARTY

    At the Apple Bonfire Night party
    One struck the match to ignite the birch
    And as the fire burned six of his colleagues
    Were in a huddle designing the merch

    IF YOU ARE LOOKING TO OFFEND ISIS

    If you are looking to offend ISIS
    And you’re a woman, wear a short skirt
    That would seem to do the trick
    And if you’re a man, wear a short skirt

    PROVERBIAL PROVERBS # 6

    “This will separate the men from the boys”
    Was stated in my youth repeatedly
    However it what separates them today
    Appears to be is Operation Yew Tree

    HOLMES HAD OVERDOSED

    Holmes told Watson that he had overdosed
    Which caused something of a shock
    Holmes then told him it was on Imodium
    And Watson exclaimed “No ****, Sherlock”

    IF I DISCOVERED A NEW SPECIES

    If I discovered a new species,
    An animal to suit the agrarians
    I would have to name it Quorn
    To really mess with vegetarians

    INSIDE EVERY RUSSIAN DOLL

    Inside every Russian Doll
    There’s another Russian Doll
    And yet more without doubt
    All of them screaming to get out

    IN OUR AMATEUR DRAMATICS GROUP

    In our Amateur Dramatics group
    I was performing in a pantomime
    Which was actually rather crappy
    And I argued with one of the dwarfs
    I’m don’t know which one he was
    But I know for sure he wasn’t happy

    MY FATHER WAS A MAGICIAN

    My father was a magician
    Well, not really a magician
    But he did disappeared a lot
    To avoid the law like as not

    BURNING GUY FAWKES

    Whitehall Civil Servants took control
    Of the Bonfire on that fateful date
    One of them struck the match, while
    The rest filled forms in triplicate

    CREATIVE DIFFERENCES

    I broke up with my girlfriend,
    Creative differences apparently,
    I thought I was rather creative
    But she thought differently

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    The Prairies, Canada
    Posts
    9,653
    Blog Entries
    188
    Really enjoyed these, Biggus!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

  3. #3

Similar Threads

  1. A Little Bit Of Humour # 150
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 10-23-2015, 03:44 AM
  2. A Little Bit Of Humour # 129
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-05-2015, 04:47 AM
  3. A Little Bit Of Humour # 128
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-01-2015, 07:23 AM
  4. A Little Bit Of Humour # 127
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-25-2015, 04:47 AM
  5. A Little Bit Of Humour # 126
    By Biggus in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 02-22-2015, 05:30 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •