21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 408
Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
But that was in the nineteen seventies
And now interests Operation Yewtree
LILY TOMLIN
Lily Tomlin always
Wanted to be somebody
She could have been
More specific probably
A paraphrasing of one of the great Lily Tomlin’s gags
I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 2
I’ve always been an avid reader
I like books about distant Galaxies
I can’t put down the current one
It’s a great book about antigravity
PROFESSIONALS HAVE AN END OF LIFE # 3
Professionals have an end of life
Inescapable, though they may try
Old accountants for example just
Lose their balance, they never die
PICKUP # 21
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“If I had a star for every time
You brightened my day”
You can say to her
“I'd have a galaxy to display”
WHEN I WAS JUST A YOUNG CHILD
When I was just a young child
I was subject to multiple attacks
My father assailed me with cameras
And I still suffer from flashbacks
VOCAB
It’s important to have a good and robust
Vocabulary, varied and diverse
And I have learned to my cost
Had I known the difference between
The words antidote and anecdote,
Several lives wouldn’t have been lost
MY COUSIN DIED AFTER BEING STUNG BY A BEE
My cousin died after being stung by a bee
Although he didn’t have an allergy
He was over Niagara walking a tightrope
So when he was stung there was no hope
MY BEST FRIEND COMES FROM A LONG LINE
My best friend comes from a long line
Of kleptomaniacs but he is the laziest of them
In fact he’s so lazy he could win an award
You really do have to hand it to him...
I WAS WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY ON TV
I was watching a documentary on TV
Last night about the viewing audience
And the decline in their attention spans
Well I watched some of it in my defense
THE SHARK DID THE DOLPHIN A FAVOR
The Shark did the Dolphin a favor
Though not a big one as favors go
And paid him back in cephalopods
Which was kind of Squid pro quo
I WOULD LOVE TO BE AN ACTOR
I would love to be an actor,
But it would be quite absurd
As I'd always forget the...
Oh dear, what is the word
TO SPICE UP MY DREARY LIFE
To spice up my dreary life
I chose to hold a sex game
And threw an orgy last night,
Unfortunately nobody came
THE STATE IS WATCHING YOU
The state is watching you, and
We live in a “Big Brother” society
Of clandestine electronic eavesdropping
And it really bugs me
I HAVE VERY LOW SELF ESTEEM
I have very low self esteem
And live with low expectations
And to make matters worse
I'm terrible at self-deprecation