21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 407
Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry
But now his foot is in the other shoe
And he has been embroiled in “me too”
GIVE ME GOLF CLUBS
Give me Golf clubs, fresh air
And partner beautiful and fair
And to be honest you can keep
The Golf clubs and the fresh air
A paraphrasing of one of the great Jack Benny’s gags
I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 1
I’ve always been an avid reader
Mystery books are my favourite
But then every novel is a mystery
If you never manage to finish it
PROFESSIONALS HAVE AN END OF LIFE # 2
Professionals have an end of life
Inescapable, though they may try
Old stuntmen for example just
Get discouraged they never die
ROSES AND VIOLETS
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
God made your friend pretty,
But what happened to you?
FRIENDSHIP IS DIFFICULT TO DEFINE
Friendship is difficult to define
But I think the best example for me
Is when I walk into someone’s house
And Wi-Fi connects automatically
PICKUP # 20
When you’re on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
“Hey I'm no photographer”
You can say to her
“But I think I can definitely
Picture us together”
I HAVE REACHED THAT TIME
I have reached that time when
Normal life has come to a halt
I’m at the age where I can’t take
Anything with a pinch of salt
I HAVE BEEN DATING A HOARDER
I have been dating a hoarder
But she broke up with me
Because I’m the one thing
She can get rid of apparently
THE GREAT PART ABOUT PARENTHOOD
The great part about parenthood
Is naming the kids something favorable
While not having to add numbers
To make sure the name was available
I SUFFER FROM A STRANGE PHOBIA
I suffer from a strange phobia
Which was hard for me to admit
As I have a fear of speed bumps
But I’m slowly getting over it
I WAS ONCE DIAGNOSED WITH
I was once diagnosed with
Antisocial behavior disorder,
So I joined a support group
But we never meet to be fair
I HAVE TAKEN PRIDE IN UNUSUAL QUARTERS
I have taken pride in unusual quarters
And I speak knowing that pride is wrong
One proud moments, was when a website
Told me my password was “Very Strong.”
REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD
“Revenge is a dish best served cold”
Is an old saying but is due some negation
As it feels best served piping hot,
Straight out of the oven of indignation
A DIPLOMAT IS A MAN WHO ALWAYS
A diplomat is a man who always,
Robert Frost stated quite sage,
Who remembers a woman’s birthday
But never remembers her age
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