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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 257

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 257

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 407

    Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,
    Kissed the girls and made them cry
    But now his foot is in the other shoe
    And he has been embroiled in “me too”

    GIVE ME GOLF CLUBS

    Give me Golf clubs, fresh air
    And partner beautiful and fair
    And to be honest you can keep
    The Golf clubs and the fresh air

    A paraphrasing of one of the great Jack Benny’s gags

    I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AN AVID READER # 1

    I’ve always been an avid reader
    Mystery books are my favourite
    But then every novel is a mystery
    If you never manage to finish it

    PROFESSIONALS HAVE AN END OF LIFE # 2

    Professionals have an end of life
    Inescapable, though they may try
    Old stuntmen for example just
    Get discouraged they never die

    ROSES AND VIOLETS

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    God made your friend pretty,
    But what happened to you?

    FRIENDSHIP IS DIFFICULT TO DEFINE

    Friendship is difficult to define
    But I think the best example for me
    Is when I walk into someone’s house
    And Wi-Fi connects automatically

    PICKUP # 20

    When you’re on the pull
    If you want to break the ice
    Say something funny
    Or say something nice
    Be devastatingly witty
    Or say something clever
    Be complimentary
    Or just lie in your endeavour
    “Hey I'm no photographer”
    You can say to her
    “But I think I can definitely
    Picture us together”

    I HAVE REACHED THAT TIME

    I have reached that time when
    Normal life has come to a halt
    I’m at the age where I can’t take
    Anything with a pinch of salt

    I HAVE BEEN DATING A HOARDER

    I have been dating a hoarder
    But she broke up with me
    Because I’m the one thing
    She can get rid of apparently

    THE GREAT PART ABOUT PARENTHOOD

    The great part about parenthood
    Is naming the kids something favorable
    While not having to add numbers
    To make sure the name was available

    I SUFFER FROM A STRANGE PHOBIA

    I suffer from a strange phobia
    Which was hard for me to admit
    As I have a fear of speed bumps
    But I’m slowly getting over it

    I WAS ONCE DIAGNOSED WITH

    I was once diagnosed with
    Antisocial behavior disorder,
    So I joined a support group
    But we never meet to be fair

    I HAVE TAKEN PRIDE IN UNUSUAL QUARTERS

    I have taken pride in unusual quarters
    And I speak knowing that pride is wrong
    One proud moments, was when a website
    Told me my password was “Very Strong.”

    REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD

    “Revenge is a dish best served cold”
    Is an old saying but is due some negation
    As it feels best served piping hot,
    Straight out of the oven of indignation

    A DIPLOMAT IS A MAN WHO ALWAYS

    A diplomat is a man who always,
    Robert Frost stated quite sage,
    Who remembers a woman’s birthday
    But never remembers her age

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Good ones, Biggus!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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