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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 256

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 256

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 406

    Wee Willie Winkie ran through the town
    Upstairs and downstairs in his night-gown
    Wee Willie Winkie wasn’t his real name
    It was just a very cold night for that game

    WHAT IS YOUR EXCERSISE REGIME?

    “What is your exercise regime?”
    I was asked by my new personal trainer
    I said if I already had a regime
    I wouldn’t need a personal trainer

    MIDDLE AGED EXERCISE

    I have found in middle age
    When I’m exercising
    The best one for my core
    Seems to be keeping a fart in

    QUASIMODO OF NOTRE DAME

    Quasimodo of Notre Dame
    Who loved Esmerelda
    Always had a hunch
    He needed to see a doctor

    THE MATHEMATICIAN PONDERED

    The mathematician pondered
    When he opened the oven door
    What the value of pi would be
    After being dropped on the floor

    OH HOW THEY ALL CRUELLY SCOFFED

    Oh how they all cruelly scoffed
    When I said that I would one day
    Learn the secret of invisibility
    If they could only see me now, eh

    PICKUP # 19

    When you’re on the pull
    If you want to break the ice
    Say something funny
    Or say something nice
    Be devastatingly witty
    Or say something clever
    Be complimentary
    Or just lie in your endeavour
    “I'm sorry I wasn't part of your past”
    You can say to her
    “But I can make up for that
    By being in your future”

    DUE TO THE PITIFUL SIZE

    Due to the pitiful size of my
    Social circle, a lad’s holiday
    With me would definitely look
    More like a romantic getaway

    ONE THING YOU’LL NEVER HEAR

    One thing you’ll never hear,
    And there is absolutely no chance
    Of anyone hearing a Hindu say
    Oh well, you only live once

    I’VE GOT VERY SENSITIVE TEETH

    I’ve got very sensitive teeth
    But I can do nothing bold
    I can’t tell the dentist because
    They’d be upset that I’d told

    I WAS IN SOUTH LONDON

    I was in south London
    And this bloke I met
    Said he would attack me,
    If I didn’t make a bet,
    With the neck of a guitar,
    So I said ‘Is that a fret?’

    EVEN NETFLIX HAS COME TO THE CONCLUSION

    Even Netflix has come to the conclusion
    I watch too much TV, so there’s no doubt,
    It doesn’t suggest more box sets to watch
    Instead it’s started suggesting I go out

    I AM A DOUBTING THOMAS

    I am certainly a doubting Thomas
    My doubts are quite eclectic
    But my disbelieving is such
    That I don’t believe in sceptics

    MY UNCLE HAD HIS NECK BRACE FITTED

    My Uncle had his neck brace fitted
    Because he has arthritis in his neck
    But in the five years has had the brace
    My Uncle has never looked back

    WHEN YOU’RE FEELING ON TOP OF THE WORLD

    When you’re feeling on top of the world
    Don’t fall into the trap and boast
    Because one day you're the best thing
    Since sliced bread and the next, you're toast

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    All witty and fun to read!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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