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Thread: Death in a Green Dress

  1. #1
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    Death in a Green Dress

    Death in a Green Dress

    She was a knockout. Heart-stoppingly beautiful. Death in a green dress. She had hair the colour of an African river. You know, the colour of an African river after maybe one or two million wildebeest have fought their way across it, churning the mud, wading through the waiting hordes of hungry crocodiles. Not all the wildebeest make it. Some of them might bleed a bit. So the river—the bloody, muddy river—is red. Well, reddish. Anyway, that was the colour of her hair, the girl in the green dress.

    Man, that hair! It gushed down from the top of her head, down her back, down over her shoulders. It looked like it had been poured. It had great sweeping curls, like eddies. It moved the way she moved. When she moved, she flowed. Right now she was flowing towards me.

    Our eyes were locked in mortal combat. Hell, this was the real thing! Eyes across a crowded room, no way back, for keeps, real. Within that emerald silk sheath, her slinking curves hypnotised as they sashayed towards me. Her skin was so pale it glowed, and her lips were redder than a strawberry Mivvi.

    Even before she reached me, her perfume was exploring my nose, invading my brain, conjuring possibilities in my overheated imagination. She drew level with me and stopped, posing in that one hip down posture that, a woman knows, shows off her figure to its best advantage. Guaranteed to grab the male gaze. Her eyes were locked on mine as she reached out, beckoning, willing me to take her hand. I complied.

    Somehow, we contrived to lead each other out onto the dance floor. The music pounded, the lights flashed and our sheer animal presence usurped the space. The lesser mortals fell back to give us room. We moved as a single entity in a symbiotic embrace, our bodies swaying in time, the watchers’ hands clapping to the beat.

    Her fingers played footsie on the back of my neck and those blood red lips quivered beside my ear.

    “I need cheese,” she said, and the words, born on her warm breath, swirled in my aural canal, driving me crazy.

    I guess, at this stage, I’d better introduce myself. That way, you’ll know who the lucky guy dancing with the goddess is. I’m Joe Stilton. I make cheese. Yeah. Coincidence, right? Or is it? They call it nominative determinism, but only if they’ve got a lot of letters after their name. I don’t believe in that ****. My profession and my name are just coincidence, OK? But this crazy-beautiful dame homing in on me and asking for cheese… well? Is that coincidence? I mean, suddenly, I get the idea that I’ve just been issued with my own personal Mata Hari and I’m up to my libido in a case of dairy-centric industrial espionage.

    But, just how much notice am I taking of myself? Well, with the intoxicating fragrance of this woman in my nose, her hot breath in my ear, and her soft curves in my arms, swaying left and right, I can tell you, it’s not much. She wanted cheese. I’m the go-to guy for cheese in this town. I wanted her, and if getting her cheese got me what I wanted, she could have as much as she liked.

    I buried my head under the flow of her hair and ran my lips up the side of her neck, and when I got to her lobe, I nibbled. Then I whispered into her ear, at full volume, because of the racket from the dance hall speakers.

    “What kind?”

    She threw back her head and laughed with the kind of gay abandon usually associated with mad women in attics. She could get away with it, though, because she was so hot. When she laughed, it was sexy as hell. I grinned like an idiot and licked my lips. She snuck in and answered at close range, so her words sizzled in my ear.

    “Wensleydale,” she said, “And I want it toasted.”

    Well, that was my cue. If I couldn’t supply this woman with some toasted cheese, I didn’t deserve to win her. I picked up the gauntlet.

    “Come with me,” I crooned into her shell-like, “And I’ll lead you to the Promised Land—a veritable nirvana of toasted Wensleydale.”

    Then, I escorted her from the dance floor to the applause of the crowd, which parted like the red sea, permitting our passage to the cloakroom and our coats.

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Great descriptions; enjoyed this very much, Hawk.
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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    Hiya, Kiz. Thanks for stopping by to sample my Cheesey tidbit. Glad you appreciated it's flavour.

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    Registered User Steven Hunley's Avatar
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    I've always had respect for your talent. The emotions and images you elicit and your endless sentence varieties make you keep reading, no matter the subject. This was great fun. Didn't realize I'd missed your stuff so much.

  5. #5
    MANICHAEAN MANICHAEAN's Avatar
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    Good to see you back. The free wheeling imagination is still prevalent as you skipped like an alpine goat between; African rivers, soft descriptive porn and a sterling English cheese.

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    Hi Steve, Manichean: thanks for reading. I have a fairly simple MO when writing. I aim to make myself laugh. If I can't read it back without grinning like an idiot, or snorting out the odd guffaw, then there is something wrong and I have to rewrite it. I think that this is probably the shortest piece of prose I've ever posted on here. This is as close as I get to flash fiction (of which, generally, I heartily disapprove). These days, writing has become physically painful. There is something wrong with the tendons on the back of my right hand. Consequently, I have severely restricted movement in my wrist and the fingers. It makes it very difficult to type. This, coupled with increased demands on my time from my various enterprises, means that I don't write much at all, these days. Still, it's nice to squeeze out an offering now and then. To have people express their appreciation of one, makes it all worth while.

    Live long and prosper - H
    Last edited by Hawkman; 10-15-2018 at 03:14 AM.

  7. #7
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    Your M.O, for comedy writing has been proven in the wild: it certainly worked for Mel, Carl, and the late Neil S. I agree with that dictum as well, but also subscribe to the philosophy of that comic classic, MST3K. They never worried about being too hip for the room or whether the jokes would sail over the audience's collective head. "The right people will get the jokes."

    This parody hits its mark. You should be writing humorous television commercials-- or I guess what they call "adverts" in Brexitland. You'd be sought after and paid tons of , well, what used to be Euros. By the bye, we're just getting the new season of Tracy Ullman over here. Her comedy writers are superb. Nothin' wrong w. British humor. No siree. (Bob.)

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    Hi Auntie.

    Thanks for reading and for liking it enough to share your observations. I confess I had to look up MS3TK though it left me little the wiser for doing so, as I have never seen it. However, I approve the attitude of having sufficient faith in your material to publish and be damned After all, people will either like it, or they won't.

    Whilst I quite enjoy a good abd creative ad, ads in general are now so prolific, and inserted with so little regard for suitability or ethics, that, quite frankly, I'd happily guillotine anyone creating them. Servants of Mamon, the lot of them. You can't even watch a YouTube video without some crappy and bewildering insertion popping up. No, I don't have an ad blocker. They don't do one that works on my iPad.

    Curious that you refer to my piece as a parody. I suppose it is, sort of, but a parody of what? I wasn't thinking advertising when I wrote it. Possibly I was thinking Dashiel Hammet or Raymond Chandler transported into the recent past in a night club in an English market town. The words just came, they were funny, and I wrote them down. It still makes me laugh. Maybe there is a dark, tenuous association with Wallace and Grommet.

    Anyway, thanks again for reading.

    Pip pip, - H
    Last edited by Hawkman; 10-23-2018 at 01:48 PM.

  9. #9
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your buggered up hands old chum. Hope that can be sorted for you.
    I enjoyed your quirky tale very much. Did you know when you started the piece that she was going to ask for cheese? As somebody commented above, your style of writing is very readable and highly enjoyable.
    All the best to you.
    Jerry.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  10. #10
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    Hiya JB. Did I know she wanted cheese? Yes, I think so. Joe Stilton, cheese King. You're only ever going to win a woman by giving her what she wants! Lol.

    Thanks for your concern over my mits. I was treated on Monday, and promptly lost the use of my right hand completely. Fortunately, by Wednesday, I had regained some function. Today I was even able to do a little work. Still can't type, though.

    Thanks for reading and enjoying.

    Live and be well - H

  11. #11
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    Comrade Hadson. Thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed it.

    Live and be well - H

  12. #12
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    Beautiful story.

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