I RESISTED GETTING A MOBILE PHONE
I resisted getting a mobile phone for a long time
But I gave in and was told I’d never regret it
Now if I leave home without the thing, I panic
And I have to turn around to go back and get it
THE BLACK BOX FLIGHT RECORDER
The Black Box flight recorder
Is not black! We have been misled
Why would you call it a “black box”
And then make it orange instead
MARITAL SURFING
A wife sat down on the couch
Next to her husband
As he was flipping channels
With the remote in hand
She asked, “What's on TV?”
He replied “Dust mainly”
A GIMME
“Gimme” is a famous Golfing term
Best described as an agreement
Between two like-minded Golfers,
Whose putting is to their detriment
BE MY VALENTINES # 6
On Valentine’s Day
The valentine card said to the stamp
Stick with me and we'll go places!
While the farmer gave his wife
Hogs and kisses!
And the caveman gave his wife
Ughs and kisses!
And the Persian gave his wife
Rugs and kisses!
COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN IRISH?
Could Jesus have been Irish?
Well the bible says He never marries
He loved green pastures and water
And He was always telling stories
PORN STAR TIPPLE
I worked in a cocktail bar where
A porn star was a regular imbiber
And erotic film star Bambi’s favourite
Drink Was 7 Up in cider
MY WIFE AND I ARE BOTH
My wife and I are both
In our late 50s for sure
I’m fast approaching 59
And she’s just turned 64
I WAS SCARRED DURING MY FIRST TIME
I was scarred during my first time
And made me think I was still a virgin
I thought I was doing fine until she said
Those three dreaded words, “Is it in?”
THERE WAS A FIGHT AT THE CIRCUS
There was a fight at the circus
Between a clown and a mugger
The fight didn’t last for long
Once they went for the juggler