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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 250

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 250

    THE TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE IS FANTASTIC # 1

    The technology available is fantastic
    But is it more trouble than it’s worth
    And will our worst fears be realised
    And shall the geek inherit the earth

    CHINESE GOOSEBERRIES

    Chinese Gooseberries aren’t Chinese
    Imagine my shock at being misled
    They do not originate from China at all
    But come from New Zealand instead

    MARITAL HONESTY

    “It's just too hot to wear clothes today so I
    Think I’ll cut the lawn naked, honey?”
    She replied “Ok, if you don’t mind the neighbours
    Thinking I married you for your money”

    A MULLIGAN

    The Golfing term “mulligan”
    Is actually a contraction
    Of the phrase “muller it again”

    BE MY VALENTINES # 5

    On Valentine’s Day
    One pickle said to the other
    “Your love means a great dill”
    Even skunks celebrate Valentine's Day
    Because they're very scent-imental!

    COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN NATIVE AMERICAN?

    Could Jesus have been Native American?
    Possibly, he was at peace with nature
    He ate fish, and had an affinity with birds
    And He talked of the Great Spirit in his future

    THE WHOLE FAMILY WERE WATCHING POINTLESS

    The whole family were watching Pointless
    Playing along and doing quite well, more or less
    The first round was about words ending in TOR
    But the answer was a carnivore or an omnivore
    It had to end TOR, but the answer ate things
    The first two answers were Alligator or Predator
    My daughter shouted out “Vibrator” triumphantly
    Good word but they don’t eat things I’m afraid sweetie
    “Yes, they do dad” she argued “Mum told me so”
    “She said, hers eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow”

    A MAN DIALLED 999

    A man dialled 999 and said
    “I’m pretty sure my wife is dead”
    The operator asked him calmly
    “Why aren’t you certain she’s dead?”
    “Well the ironing hasn’t been done,
    But she’s still the same in bed”

    SAILORS FIGHTING IN A DANCE HALL

    Two sailors where fighting
    Over a prostitute on the dance floor
    They both had one arm each
    In a bizarre game of Tug-of-whore

    GYNAECOLOGICAL SCARE

    My older sister managed
    To scare her gynecologist
    But that’s one of the perks
    Of being a ventriloquist

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    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Ha ha ha! Couldn't pick a favorite, they were all priceless!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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