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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 247

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 247

    WITH ALL THE TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE

    With all the technology available
    I’m afraid I’ve got very lazy
    Today at work I e-mailed the person
    Who sits at the desk facing me

    THE HUNDRED YEARS WAR

    Called the Hundred Years War
    I was understandably misled
    Because the war really lasted
    A hundred and sixteen instead

    MARRIAGE DATE NIGHT

    When he got home one night,
    His wife began to shout
    That she wasn’t cooking dinner
    And demanded he take her out
    But to somewhere expensive
    So, he agreed after some hesitation
    And she repeated it had to be expensive
    So, he took her to a petrol station

    GOLF IS A MENTAL GAME

    Golf is a mental game
    And I don’t mean cerebral
    You have to hit down
    To make the ball go up.
    You swing left and
    The ball goes right
    The lowest score wins.
    And if that’s not mad enough,
    The winner buys the drinks.
    But if you get a hole in one
    You buy the whole bar a drink

    BE MY VALENTINES # 2

    On Valentine’s Day
    The chocolate syrup said to the ice cream
    “I'm sweet on you!”
    While the pencil said to the paper
    “I dot my i's on you!”
    And the light bulb asked his girlfriend
    Do I mean a whole watt to you?”

    COULD JESUS HAVE BEEN JEWISH?

    Could Jesus have been Jewish?
    It is the most likely eventuality
    As He Did go into His Father's business
    He lived at home until he was 33
    He was sure his Mother was a virgin
    And she was sure He was God, so maybe

    PROVERBIAL PROVERBS # 5

    Prevention is better than cure
    Well I’m not so sure
    Prevention is only helpful until
    You are actually ill

    THE YEAR OUT

    I took a “year out” before going to Uni
    And I got a job before you start to sneer
    I got a job on the London Underground
    And I call it my “Mind the Gap Year”

    A HIPSTER BURNT HIS MOUTH

    A Hipster burnt his mouth,
    The stupid fool,
    When he ate the pizza
    Before it was cool

    TONY THE TIGER IS DEAD

    Tony the Tiger is dead
    And the news is a bit of a chiller
    He has been murdered
    And Police suspect a cereal killer

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Oh the last three were priceless!

    Yes... MIND THE GAP … once you've been on the Tubes, that rings in your head for awhile...
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

  3. #3
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I like that one about the lightbulb and his girlfriend and going to the petrol station for an expensive dinner and how to keep score in golf--I've never understood golf--and all the rest of them.

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