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Thread: A Little Bit of Humour # 242

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit of Humour # 242

    IF I HAD A POUND FOR EACH AND EVERY GIRL

    If I had a pound for each and every girl
    That said that they found me unattractive,
    It would increase my worth eventually
    And then they would find me attractive

    I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT ALCOHOL

    I always thought that alcohol
    Made me funnier, smarter, oh
    And a much better dancer
    But then I saw myself on video

    IF I’M SMILING, I'M THINKING

    If I’m smiling, I'm thinking
    Of doing something naughty
    If you see me laughing, its
    Because I've done it already

    PROBLEMS ARE ALL ABOUT PERSPECTIVE

    Problems are all about perspective
    One of those “cup half full” affairs
    So Escalators don't break down
    They just magically turn into stairs.

    SOME OF US LEARN FROM

    Some of us learn from
    The mistakes of others
    The rest of us are destined
    To be the others

    I HATE PEOPLE WHO USE BIG WORDS

    I hate people who use big words
    I think it’s pretentious
    And they only do it to make
    Themselves look perspicacious

    MANY MODERN HOMES NOW

    Many modern homes now
    Have a panic room in it
    But to my two daughters
    And my dear wife Brigit
    Any room is a panic room
    When they’ve lost a phone in it

    ONE OF LIFE’S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

    One of life’s universal truths
    Is not really much of a surprise
    But behind every great man
    There’s a woman rolling her eyes

    THE WAITRESS ASKED “DO YOU HAVE

    The waitress asked “Do you have
    Any questions about the menu?”
    My brother in law replied
    “Is this font courier new?”

    THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY

    The Thanksgiving Turkey
    Risked being stricken
    When he crossed the road
    To prove he wasn't chicken!

  2. #2
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    Several good ones here! Hard to pick out the best, but the first and last were perhaps the best.

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