Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Facing East

  1. #1
    Closed
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
    Posts
    6,375

    Facing East

    Soft rain, hissing, cold.
    Nothing it could ever say.
    Behind the dawn, behind the world,
    Your song so far away.

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Gold Country
    Posts
    12,893
    Very nice Pb.

    A bit of melancholy; a bit of faith (perhaps) evoked in your poem.

    I'm pondering whether "hissing cold" might be a better alternative to "hissing, cold".

    Oh how I love short poems with a grand vision.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  3. #3
    Closed
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
    Posts
    6,375
    Quote Originally Posted by tailor STATELY View Post
    Very nice Pb.

    A bit of melancholy; a bit of faith (perhaps) evoked in your poem.

    I'm pondering whether "hissing cold" might be a better alternative to "hissing, cold".

    Oh how I love short poems with a grand vision.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY

    Thank you, Tailor. Yes, faith. But no, hissing like a serpent and cold like death. I placed them that way deliberately in contrast to the otherwise inviting soft rain, and I separated them to double the emphasis. Good call on the theme, though. Not surprised you'd catch it.

  4. #4
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    London
    Posts
    13,463
    Quote Originally Posted by Pompey Bum View Post
    Soft rain, hissing, cold.
    Nothing it could ever say.
    Behind the dawn, behind the world,
    Your song so far away.
    beautiful much enjoyed
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  5. #5
    Closed
    Join Date
    Oct 2014
    Location
    Uncanny Valley
    Posts
    6,375
    Thanks, Cacian.

Similar Threads

  1. Characters facing maturity (Salinger, ...)
    By aaron stark in forum General Literature
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 05-21-2013, 12:57 PM
  2. Facing a dream
    By Shaman_Raman in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 03-24-2013, 07:35 PM
  3. Today is facing all of us like a mirror
    By dibyendra in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 09-16-2009, 12:53 PM
  4. Edmond in the East
    By lordoftheview in forum The Count of Monte Cristo
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-16-2007, 04:19 PM
  5. East of the Web
    By Asa Adams in forum General Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-25-2006, 02:22 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •