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Thread: Facing East

  1. #1
    The Gnu Normal Pompey Bum's Avatar
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    Facing East

    Soft rain, hissing, cold.
    Nothing it could ever say.
    Behind the dawn, behind the world,
    Your song so far away.
    And this from a man in a bunny suit.

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Very nice Pb.

    A bit of melancholy; a bit of faith (perhaps) evoked in your poem.

    I'm pondering whether "hissing cold" might be a better alternative to "hissing, cold".

    Oh how I love short poems with a grand vision.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    Enchant Me

    Your very being a desire for answer
    Lament not your unassailable mystery
    Enchant me with your dreams

    5-14-2005

  3. #3
    The Gnu Normal Pompey Bum's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tailor STATELY View Post
    Very nice Pb.

    A bit of melancholy; a bit of faith (perhaps) evoked in your poem.

    I'm pondering whether "hissing cold" might be a better alternative to "hissing, cold".

    Oh how I love short poems with a grand vision.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY

    Thank you, Tailor. Yes, faith. But no, hissing like a serpent and cold like death. I placed them that way deliberately in contrast to the otherwise inviting soft rain, and I separated them to double the emphasis. Good call on the theme, though. Not surprised you'd catch it.
    And this from a man in a bunny suit.

  4. #4
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pompey Bum View Post
    Soft rain, hissing, cold.
    Nothing it could ever say.
    Behind the dawn, behind the world,
    Your song so far away.
    beautiful much enjoyed
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  5. #5
    The Gnu Normal Pompey Bum's Avatar
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    Thanks, Cacian.
    And this from a man in a bunny suit.

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