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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 240

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 240

    FRIENDíS FIRST, THEN SOUL MATES # 1

    Friendís first, then soul mates
    Then we spoke of wedlock
    Now are souls are intertwined
    Since we joined in holy padlock

    WHEN IĒM SIXTY FOUR

    When Iím sixty four
    And your back goes out more than you do
    I will still love you
    When Iím sixty four
    And your ears are hairier than your head
    I will still share your bed
    When Iím sixty four
    And you and your teeth no longer sleep together
    I will still be your lover

    MY BROTHER IN LAW IS FROM STRATFORD

    My brother in law is from Stratford
    He went to Shakespeare's school
    No of course he didnít know him
    He was in the year above you fool

    REMEMBER THE FIFTH

    Remember, remember
    The fifth of November?
    Gunpowder, treason andÖ.
    No I donít remember

    MY HUSBAND IS LIKE A PETROL MOWER

    My husband is like a petrol mower
    Although he is considerably slower
    They are both difficult to get started
    Emit foul smells when theyíve farted
    And are normally caked in grime
    And they only work half the time

    I'M A GARDENER AND I'M OK

    I'm a gardener and I'm ok
    I sleep in the allotment shed all day
    I dress in comfy clothing,
    That my wife would throw away
    Oh I'm happy on the allotment
    As Iím not in her way

    (Sung to the tune of Monty Python's ďI'm a LumberjackĒ)

    A VERTICALLY CHALLENGED MAN

    A vertically challenged man
    Went to see his GP
    Without an appointment
    And he was told at reception
    That the doctor would see him
    But heíd have to a little patient

    MY WIFE WAS IN THE BATHROOM

    My wife was in the bathroom
    When I suddenly heard her shout
    She had rubbed on hand cream
    And couldnít turn the knob to get out

    FOGHORN LEGHORN LE ROOSTER

    Foghorn Leghorn Le Rooster
    Crossed a busy Parisian Rue
    Because he had something
    Important to cockadoodle dooo

    A QUESTION OF HEALTH

    If you stopped taking exercise
    When you got your first TV remote
    And you havenít eaten lettuce
    Since Maggie Thatcher got the vote
    If you havenít seen your feet
    Since you were at primary school
    And you think that a microwave
    Is actually a power tool
    If you think that alcohol
    Is itself a food group
    And you eat more crispy croutons
    Than you do low calorie soup
    If you answered yes
    To any part of this questionnaire
    Then someone is reading this
    To you in intensive care

  2. #2
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    Being an old man myself, I can laugh at many of these jokes, most of them in fact.

  3. #3
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Good points about the allotment shed and the problems of being a petrol mower and what happens to your back after you've reached 64.

  4. #4
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
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    some great fun little pieces i can sympathise in a great way
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

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