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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 239

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 239

    IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IF # 3

    It is a sad fact of life that if
    Times are going well
    You have overlooked something
    And it will all go to hell

    TELL US WHO DID IT

    An old man was sitting on a bench
    When something caught his view
    He stared at a lad who sat next to him
    The teenager had spiked hair in myriad hue
    He just kept staring at the lad’s hair
    It was colored green, red, orange, and blue
    The old man just kept staring at him
    And the teenager lost his rag as they do
    “What’s the matter old man”?
    He said loud enough for everyone
    “You never done anything wild in your life”?
    And waited for a reply when he’d done
    The old man said without hesitation
    Replying as quick as a bullet from a gun
    “I got drunk once and had sex with a peacock
    I was just wondering if you were my son”

    A NIGHT WITH A FIT BIRD

    I pulled a girl on Saturday night
    And when we were getting at it
    She rasped, moaned and thrashed about
    And I don’t mean just a bit
    Well I thought I was a great lover
    That I have to admit
    But alas she was an asthmatic
    Having an epileptic fit

    SENTIMENTALITY

    The man lived with a wife
    Who was overly sentimental
    And after many years of marriage
    It finally sent him mental

    MY YOUNG SON JUSTIN WAS KNOCKED OUT

    My young son Justin was knocked out
    Of the latest school’s spelling bee bout
    Armageddon was the word that did it
    But hey it’s not the end of the world is it

    THE AIRPLANE WAS INVENTED

    The Airplane was invented
    By an optimist
    While the parachute was
    Invented by a pessimist

    I HAVE A PHOBIA ABOUT FLYING

    I have a phobia about flying
    And I won’t fly Virgin, no way
    After all why use an airline
    That doesn’t go all the way?

    YOU SHOULD NEVER GET BACK

    You should never get back
    Together with an old flame
    It’s like having a garage sale
    And buying your stuff back again

    NEW EVIDENCE INDICATES THAT WOMEN

    New evidence indicates that women
    Who carry a little extra weight
    Will live considerably longer
    Than the men who mention it mate

    SEX TOY UPGRADE

    In this modern age
    It is certainly possible
    For you to increase
    Sexual arousal
    With the use of mechanical devices
    In particular
    They work on women
    One of these is a sports car
    However these devices
    Don’t always work on a man
    If he is inclined
    To spend all the time he can
    Tinkering with the cars parts
    Rather than the woman

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Good one about the peacock. And good points about flying virgin and buying back stuff after selling them at a garage sale.

  3. #3
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    I laffed at every one of these.... so witty and delightful!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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