IF CLERGYMEN CAN BE DEFROCKED # 1
If clergymen can be defrocked
And lawyers be disbarred
Then that must mean that
Tree surgeons can be debarked
MENOPAUSAL MONITOR
George was unhappy
With his wife’s erratic mood swings
And his work mates
Told him of the benefit s of mood rings
So he went out a bought one
So he might monitor her mood
He had his reservations
And he thought the idea quite crude
But when she was in a good mood
The stone in the ring turned bright red
And when in a bad mood
It left a huge bruise on his fore head
He came to the conclusion
That he would throw away the mood ring
And try a new tack
Such as buying her a diamond ring
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 402
Diddle, diddle, dumpling, my son John
Went to bed with his trousers on
One shoe off, and one shoe on
His was as pissed as a fart, my son John!
OUR STAR SPRINTER IS NOT A LOOKER
Our star sprinter is not a looker
But that doesn’t bother us
We still cheer him to the rafters
But we do call him Fastidious
A YOUNG MAN GOT MUGGED
A young man got mugged
By a magician last year
He took a wallet, a watch,
And the coin from behind his ear
POOR SAM
Sam went to the Doctors
With every ache and pain
And with every sniff and sniffle
He would go again and again
If he had a simple heat rash
He thought he had meningitis
If he had a bad case of wind
He thought he had appendicitis
The doctor tried him on placebos
Giving Sam pots of sugar pills
But despite the docs best efforts
Sam returned with non-existent ills
The doctor tried to be patient
But one day when Sam came back
The doctor gave him the bad news
“I must tell you you’re a hypochondriac”
Sam became all hot and bothered
And created a right old fuss
Then when he calmed down he asked
“What’s a hypochondriac? Is it serious?”
SEX TOY
In this modern age
It is certainly possible
For you to increase
Sexual arousal
With the use of mechanical devices
In particular
They work on women
One of these is a sports car
I MADE MY GIRL BIMBETTE
I made my girl Bimbette
Really laugh on Saturday
The only problem is I told
Her the joke on Wednesday
WHEN THE PRINCESS FOUND THE FROG
When the princess found the frog
And the kiss was firmly planted
The prince turned out to be gay
And the Princess was disenchanted
MEN LIKE LOGIC AND SEX
Men like logic and sex
In fact they really like it
But sex better than logic
Though I can't prove it
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