ARE YOU WEARING ODD SOCKS? # 1
Are you wearing odd socks?
Well that’s quirky in the youth
And it’s quite nice to see, but
But on you they look stupid in truth
I WAS IN A FASHIONABLE COCKTAIL BAR
I was in a fashionable cocktail bar
And my mind began to wander
To of all things, strippers' names
So I ordered a Brandy Alexander
LUNCH TIME IN THE CAFETERIA
At a catholic school at lunch time one day
As The children queued up in an orderly way
The first thing that confronted the pupils
On the end of the counter was a large pile of apples
By the apples a nun had written a note saying
“Take only ONE because God is watching.”
as they made their way along the counter
The canteen rang out with childish laughter
Chocolate chip cookies stood in a large pile
With a label which made them all smile
A child had written a note for the pupils,
“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
A CHICKEN AT THE MOVIES
A chicken at the movies
Made the whole theatre look
So the manager asked
“Why are you here chook?”
The chicken replied,
“Well, because I liked the book”
I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO EXERCISE
I have been told to exercise
But I am deliberately refraining
As refusing to go to the gym
Counts as resistance training
HOSPITALITY IS AN ART FORM
Hospitality is an art form
Making your guests feel
Like they're actually at home,
While wishing they were for real
FUN GUY OR FUNGI
In my long life
I have found this to be true
Ex-husbands are like thrush
They keep coming back to you
ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL
One in five bad accidents
Are caused it seems
By drivers who drift off
To the land of dreams
But drivers who fall
Asleep at the wheel
Are the lesser evil
I’m inclined to feel
Because the simple fact
That makes me quake
Is that four out of five
Are wide awake
MONEY CAN”T BUY HAPPINESS
Money can’t buy happiness
That is almost definitely so
But it’s more comfortable to cry
In a mansion than a bungalow
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 373
Mary had a little lamb
She also had a lama
The former was a grump
But the latter was a charmer
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