YOU MUFFIN
When young women
Dress with midriff exposed
It can look attractive
To the suitably disposed
But for those more ampler
Flesh spills over the top
Of tight waist bands
To look like muffin tops
SWEET MYSTERY
For Valentine’s Day
My husband, so sweet
Bought handmade chocolates
For me as a treat
In a flower covered box
Came the delicious confection
But I am at a loss to answer
A most curious question
How can two pounds of chocs
So delicious on the lips
Manage in just one night
To put 5lbs on my hips
SENIOR HIGH
I haven’t felt myself lately
The symptoms seldom vary
Lethargy, listlessness and apathy
And if I stand up quick, I go dizzy
My son said as a matter of fact
He has to smoke two joints to feel like that
BE ALERT
On public transport
You are reminded constantly
To be alert and vigilant
And report suspicious things you see
But if I saw something
That might be construed suspicious
I wouldn’t know what I’d do
As I don’t like to make a fuss
But what constitutes suspicious
Is it unattended packages
Or people behaving furtively
Or just hanging around for ages
Traveling home late on the train
One night before Christmas
I saw several women dressed as schoolgirls
Should I report that as suspicious?
DEMENTIA
I think my grandparents
Are suffering from dementia
Because granddad asked my gran
As they sat together on the sofa
“Whatever Happened?
To our sexual relations dear?”
And the answer she gave
Is what gave me cause to fear
“I don’t know, we didn’t even get
A Christmas card from them this year”
A STARTER FOR TEN
In our house we never watch
University Challenge
And that’s because we are
Universally challenged
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 369
Oh, the grand old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he marched them down again.
But when they were not up nor down
The grand old Duke forgot they were there
But that was an occupational hazard
As he had early onset dementia
MY GRANDCHILDREN LIVE IN THE CITY
My grandchildren live in the city
And they seem to be happy there
The youngest just started at cursery
That’s where small kids learn to swear
PLAYTEX WOMAN
What with middle age spread
And the force of gravity
Time has played havoc
With my once sylph like body
My hour glass figure is no more
Alas it’s more like a barometer case
And my “cross your heart” bra
Is more of a “cross your waist”
GO SOUTH
Now I’m getting on
The time has come
As winter approaches
To head towards the sun
To head south for the winter
Like the ducks before me
But it’s with regret I have to say
Some of me is headed there already
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