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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 229

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 229

    YOU MUFFIN

    When young women
    Dress with midriff exposed
    It can look attractive
    To the suitably disposed
    But for those more ampler
    Flesh spills over the top
    Of tight waist bands
    To look like muffin tops

    SWEET MYSTERY

    For Valentine’s Day
    My husband, so sweet
    Bought handmade chocolates
    For me as a treat
    In a flower covered box
    Came the delicious confection
    But I am at a loss to answer
    A most curious question
    How can two pounds of chocs
    So delicious on the lips
    Manage in just one night
    To put 5lbs on my hips

    SENIOR HIGH

    I haven’t felt myself lately
    The symptoms seldom vary
    Lethargy, listlessness and apathy
    And if I stand up quick, I go dizzy
    My son said as a matter of fact
    He has to smoke two joints to feel like that

    BE ALERT

    On public transport
    You are reminded constantly
    To be alert and vigilant
    And report suspicious things you see

    But if I saw something
    That might be construed suspicious
    I wouldn’t know what I’d do
    As I don’t like to make a fuss

    But what constitutes suspicious
    Is it unattended packages
    Or people behaving furtively
    Or just hanging around for ages

    Traveling home late on the train
    One night before Christmas
    I saw several women dressed as schoolgirls
    Should I report that as suspicious?

    DEMENTIA

    I think my grandparents
    Are suffering from dementia
    Because granddad asked my gran
    As they sat together on the sofa
    “Whatever Happened?
    To our sexual relations dear?”
    And the answer she gave
    Is what gave me cause to fear
    “I don’t know, we didn’t even get
    A Christmas card from them this year”

    A STARTER FOR TEN

    In our house we never watch
    University Challenge
    And that’s because we are
    Universally challenged

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 369

    Oh, the grand old Duke of York
    He had ten thousand men
    He marched them up to the top of the hill,
    And he marched them down again.
    But when they were not up nor down
    The grand old Duke forgot they were there
    But that was an occupational hazard
    As he had early onset dementia

    MY GRANDCHILDREN LIVE IN THE CITY

    My grandchildren live in the city
    And they seem to be happy there
    The youngest just started at cursery
    That’s where small kids learn to swear

    PLAYTEX WOMAN

    What with middle age spread
    And the force of gravity
    Time has played havoc
    With my once sylph like body
    My hour glass figure is no more
    Alas it’s more like a barometer case
    And my “cross your heart” bra
    Is more of a “cross your waist”

    GO SOUTH

    Now I’m getting on
    The time has come
    As winter approaches
    To head towards the sun

    To head south for the winter
    Like the ducks before me
    But it’s with regret I have to say
    Some of me is headed there already

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I've wondered where those three extra pounds come from after only two pounds of chocolate. Or donuts.

  3. #3
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Excellent and on-the-spot-witty, as always!
    LoL!!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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