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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 228

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 228

    ARE YOU WEARING RED? # 2

    Are you wearing red?
    To signify the party you’re in
    Well done, congratulations
    You made a decision Mr Corbyn

    MIDDLE AGED SEAT

    I’m in my middle years now
    And my new car is a wow
    It’s fast, new and sporty
    Just the opposite of me
    It is sleekly lined
    With its curves well defined
    It has a nice interior
    The leather is quite superior
    My only complaint would be
    The bucket seats you see
    As they are made to the design
    Of a smaller bucket than mine

    SENIOR MOMENT AT THE SALON

    I walked into a hair salon
    With my mother in law one day
    With a shop full of customers
    I proceeded to loudly say
    “How much do you charge
    For a shampoo and a blow job?”
    I turned around and walked out
    Leaving behind a laughing mob

    DRINK TO MY HEALTH

    I was out for a walk
    Just round and about
    When I saw in a doorway
    An old down and out
    Drinking brake fluid
    From an old tin cup
    I stood for a moment
    And watched him sup
    “If that stuff kills you
    That would be a crime”
    “Don’t worry” said he
    “I can stop anytime”

    A MOTHERS TALE # 2

    I was out shopping with the kids one day
    And we stopped for lunch at a burger place
    We had just begun to eat our burgers
    When a smell papered that I couldn’t trace
    It was so bad that I couldn’t eat
    I checked the baby and she was clean
    “Johnny, have you had an accident?”
    “No mum,” Johnny replied. “Not me”
    The smell got worse and I cursed
    As I didn’t bring spare clothes with me
    “Are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?”
    “No mum,” Johnny replied.” not me”
    I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
    Because the smell was really smarting
    “Are you really SURE you didn’t have an accident?”
    he leaped up like he was departing
    Dropped his pants and spread his cheeks
    And said “see mum, I was only farting!!”

    I AM A REALLY TERRIBLE COOK

    I am a really terrible cook
    I’ve burnt everything so far
    I’m definitely not Cordon Bleu
    In fact I’m more Cordon Noir

    WHO LED THE ISRAELITES

    Who led the Israelites?
    On their collective toeses
    Through the semi-permeable
    Membrane? It was Osmoses

    FRED ASTAIRE WAS BELIEVED TO BE

    Fred Astaire was believed to be
    The greatest Dancer in his field
    But Ginger Rodgers did the same
    Only backwards and in heels

    MY IPHONE IS FROZEN

    My iPhone is frozen
    My Mac is deceased
    My iPad misplaced
    And my iPod is dead
    In fact all my Apple’s
    Have gone pear shaped

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 401

    Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
    And a merry old soul was he;
    He called for his pipe
    In the middle of the night
    And he called for his basins three.
    And did a colonic irrigation.

  2. #2
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    "Osmoses"... ( snirk )

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    Enchant Me

    Your very being a desire for answer
    Lament not your unassailable mystery
    Enchant me with your dreams

    5-14-2005

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  4. #4
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Those seats in sports cars are pretty small.

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