ARE YOU WEARING PINK? # 2
Are you wearing a Pink?
Oh I understand that wink
My pretty little Barbie girl
As you give me a twirl
What you’re intimating I think
Is that everything is pink
And it’s an image to bewitch
When you hint at every stitch
PUT DOWN # 1
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the tension
Just gaze into their eyes
And say to your pursuer
“Why don’t you slip into something?
More comfortable… like a coma”
THE NAKED TRUTH (2)
Mary stood naked before her husband
“What do you like most about me?”
“What is it that turns you on more,
My pretty face or my sexy body?”
He perused her nakedness briefly
“Your sense of humour!” said hubby
SNOW SHOW
A weather man predicted snow
But he didn’t get it right
So the female anchor on the show
Asked to our delight
“So Bob, where’s that 8 inches!
You promised me last night?”
SENIOR GOLFING MOMENT
I was in the golf shop browsing
The different types of golf balls
I had been using the women’s type
And wasn’t getting on with them at all
I was approached by an assistant
Who was dark handsome and tall
He asked if he could help me.
And without even thinking at all
I looked at him and said,
“I think I like playing with men’s balls.”
A MOTHERS TALE # 1
While in queue at the bank one afternoon
My toddler decided to act the loon
Tired of the queues disapproving glare
I managed to grab firm hold of her
I told her if her bad behaviour did not finish
“Right now” then she would be punished
To my horror to my face for all to see
She loudly began to threaten me
With narrowed eyes and furrowed brow
“If you don’t let me go right now,
I will tell Grandma what I saw alright
When you kissed Daddy’s pee-pee last night!”
With all the dignity that I could muster
I tried to show no sign of fluster
In deathly silence with all eyes on me
I headed quickly for the door to flee
As I dragged my daughter though the door
I heard laughter erupt in a hilarious roar
THE LAST SUPPER
Last night at our repast
My wife asked me sincerely
“Why must you eat so fast”?
I replied “you never know really
Which meal will be your last
With your cooking, especially”
ANYTHING BY GEORGE
George arrived home from work one night
To find the house bathed in candlelight
His wife Julie Draped on the sofa sexily
Wearing very little and smiling seductively
She swung her long stockinged legs to the floor
And walked slowly to George by the door
In her silk camisole she looked very sexy
Her dark nipples were aroused, he could see
“Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything.”
So George tied her up and then he went bowling
CLUNK CLICK
Clunk click every trip
Is the advice of the boffins
Because your seat belt is never
As confining as your coffin
THE GINGER PRINCE WENT TO WAR
Harry is the spare, not the heir
So he chose to follow a military career
And the ginger Prince went to war
Amidst muck and bullets, blood and gore
He is a braver man than I by some way
It’s a shame the press gave the game away
Now the prince is coming home again
To the land of his grandmothers reign
For as he bravely faced the Taliban
There were dangers for the princely man
For even under the pale winter sun
He had to wear factor ninety one