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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 225

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 225

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 399

    Little Jack Jingle,
    He used to live single;
    But his friends got tired
    Of his happy single life
    And bullied and cajoled
    Until he got himself a wife

    ARE YOU WEARING KNICKERBOCKERS?

    Are you wearing Knickerbockers?
    Well listen, I don’t mean to flummox
    But it looks like the Knickerbockers
    Have fallen out with your socks

    I SURVIVED TESTICULAR CANCER

    I survived testicular cancer, but when
    I was in Asda I screamed out in terror
    As all I could hear at the checkout was
    “Unexpected item in the bagging area”

    MY SON TOLD ME HE PLAYED IN A BAND

    My son told me he played in a band
    And I’m afraid I did have to mock
    Because they are called the Pilgrims
    So I asked if they played Plymouth Rock

    TO HAVE VOICES IN MY HEAD

    I believe it’s quite normal
    To have voices in my head
    Listening to them is usual
    Sometimes I argue instead
    However, if I were to lose
    The argument, I’d be dead

    I WAS ASKED WHO I WANTED

    I was asked who I wanted
    To celebrate my birthday
    My answer was as easy as ABC
    “Anyone but Chardonnay”

    I AM DEEPLY IN LOVE AND JOYOUSLY HAPPY

    I am deeply in love and joyously happy
    In our rewarding, loving Relationship
    In fact I am walking on air in my joy
    And get a natural high from our elationship

    A NOTIONAL MOTION

    Toast always lands butter side down
    It’s a rule of locomotion
    And a cat always lands on its feet
    Now here is a curious notion
    If you tie the toast to the cat
    Would that result in perpetual motion?

    THE NAKED TRUTH (1)

    Mary stood naked before the bathroom mirror
    And wiped the steam away so she could see clearer
    Then her heart sank at what she could see
    She said to her husband “I’m fat and I’m ugly”
    “I look horrible; pay me a compliment” she sighed
    “You have perfect eyesight” He replied

    AN ILL WIND

    An elderly couple were in church
    When about halfway through,
    May leant over and whispered
    In the ear of her husband Lou,
    “I just let out a silent fart
    What do you think I should do?”
    “I think you should put a new battery
    In your hearing aid” Replied Lou

    ARGUMENTATIVE

    The unwritten law states that a woman
    Has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man may say after that
    Is the beginning of a new argument

    I FORGET TO EAT

    There was a rather vacuous
    Skinny girl who irritated me
    “Sometimes I forget to eat”
    The silly girl said to me
    Now I’ve forgotten things,
    Where I parked the car,
    My mother’s maiden name,
    Keys for the house and the car
    And once even where I lived
    But I’ve never forgotten to eat
    I’ve been too busy or too tired
    But not so stupid I forgot to eat

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Biggus, thank you for your little gems to start my day with a darn good laff!
    Can't pick a favorite, though the 'wife's eyesight' one was a dilly indeed, lol!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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  4. #4
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    As far as the toast goes, there's always the five second rule. There's nothing better than perfect eyesight and a good hearing aid. Nice ones.

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    A User, but Registered! tonywalt's Avatar
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    I SURVIVED TESTICULAR CANCER

    I survived testicular cancer, but when
    I was in Asda I screamed out in terror
    As all I could hear at the checkout was
    “Unexpected item in the bagging area”


    Best one. need to find a way to use it somehow in light conversation.

  7. #7

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