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Thread: Christmas 2017 # 4

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Christmas 2017 # 4

    IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 2

    Is Santa Claus really a woman?
    Why has this not come up before?
    If it were left to a man everything
    Would come from the corner store

    A CHRISTMAS DAY BIRTHDAY # 2

    For those born on Christmas day
    They miss out, which is a caper
    But to rub salt into the wound
    Wrap their gift in xmas paper

    TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 14

    Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the Crescent
    Not a creature was stirring not even a peasant
    But that in itself is not uncommon to see
    When you live in a gated community

    EBENEZER SCROOGE WENT TO COURT

    Ebenezer Scrooge went to court,
    Accused of shagging a cat
    The judge dismissed the case in a jiffy
    And said in all his years as a judge,
    That he'd never known Scrooge
    To put anything into a kitty

    THE BEST CHRISTMAS ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 1

    The best Christmas actor of all time
    Is a character actor so sublime
    And there can only be one winner
    And that would be Yule Brynner

    ARE YOU WEARING IT THE RIGHT WAY?

    Are you wearing it the right way?
    I heard the pretty girl say
    Should it be tied like so?
    For kissing under the mistletoe
    Am I showing my naÔvetť?
    In the most embarrassing way
    Itís just that I kind of felt
    It shouldnít be tied on your belt

    ITíS SUCH A MILD CHRISTMAS

    Itís such a mild Christmas
    All the birds are singing noisily
    Normally in December
    Theyíre all frozen to a tree

    MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 1

    My worst Christmas present ever
    I thought I would be lucky to receive
    It was big and so full of possibilities
    But it really flattered to deceive

    Beneath the coloured paper
    That hinted at hidden promise
    It turned out to be a cardboard box
    Containing only emptiness

    My mum was watching me intently
    And my disappointment hurt her
    My cheapskate dad then told me
    It was an Action Man deserter

    WITHOUT SANTAíS LITTLE HELPER

    Without Santaís little helper
    Christmas would be very hard
    I donít think I could do Christmas
    With out my credit card

    A WINTER BLUNDERLAND

    Door bells ring, are you listening,
    In the street, snow is glistening,
    Out in the night,
    Thereís a hideous sight
    Your mother in her winter underwear

    THREE WISE ONES

    The three wise men
    Traveled for days before reaching Bethlehem
    And arrived after the birth
    They stood and viewed the scene in awe
    And knelt reverently in the lords presence
    Then gave their gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh

    The three wise women
    Would have stopped to ask directions
    And arrived before the birth
    They would have delivered the baby
    Then they would have cleaned the stable and cooked a meal
    Before giving the baby really useful gifts

    ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A REASON?

    Are you wearing it for a reason?
    Is it because of the festive season?
    You wonít be kissed under the mistletoe
    Because youíre wearing it too low

    A VEGETARIAN CHRISTMAS

    Do you want to celebrate?
    A vegetarian Christmas
    Then here you are
    Have a freshly strained
    Vegetable every day
    With the advent colander

    THE COUNCIL CHRISTMAS TREE

    The council Christmas tree is dressed
    And the lights were switched on in June
    But donít get yourself unduly distressed
    With energy saving lights itís not too soon
    Because you must switch them on remember
    So they are warmed up by December

    MY VERY WORST CHRISTMAS EVER

    My very worst Christmas ever
    Was when I got an empty carton
    All dog-eared and flattened out
    For hours of innocent ex-box fun

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    The Action Man deserter was pretty good. And the advent colander. And those birds frozen to the tree. And the rest.

  3. #3
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    And I am laffing my butt off!!
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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