IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 2
Is Santa Claus really a woman?
Why has this not come up before?
If it were left to a man everything
Would come from the corner store
A CHRISTMAS DAY BIRTHDAY # 2
For those born on Christmas day
They miss out, which is a caper
But to rub salt into the wound
Wrap their gift in xmas paper
TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS # 14
Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the Crescent
Not a creature was stirring not even a peasant
But that in itself is not uncommon to see
When you live in a gated community
EBENEZER SCROOGE WENT TO COURT
Ebenezer Scrooge went to court,
Accused of shagging a cat
The judge dismissed the case in a jiffy
And said in all his years as a judge,
That he'd never known Scrooge
To put anything into a kitty
THE BEST CHRISTMAS ACTOR OF ALL TIME # 1
The best Christmas actor of all time
Is a character actor so sublime
And there can only be one winner
And that would be Yule Brynner
ARE YOU WEARING IT THE RIGHT WAY?
Are you wearing it the right way?
I heard the pretty girl say
Should it be tied like so?
For kissing under the mistletoe
Am I showing my naïveté?
In the most embarrassing way
It’s just that I kind of felt
It shouldn’t be tied on your belt
IT’S SUCH A MILD CHRISTMAS
It’s such a mild Christmas
All the birds are singing noisily
Normally in December
They’re all frozen to a tree
MY WORST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER # 1
My worst Christmas present ever
I thought I would be lucky to receive
It was big and so full of possibilities
But it really flattered to deceive
Beneath the coloured paper
That hinted at hidden promise
It turned out to be a cardboard box
Containing only emptiness
My mum was watching me intently
And my disappointment hurt her
My cheapskate dad then told me
It was an Action Man deserter
WITHOUT SANTA’S LITTLE HELPER
Without Santa’s little helper
Christmas would be very hard
I don’t think I could do Christmas
With out my credit card
A WINTER BLUNDERLAND
Door bells ring, are you listening,
In the street, snow is glistening,
Out in the night,
There’s a hideous sight
Your mother in her winter underwear
THREE WISE ONES
The three wise men
Traveled for days before reaching Bethlehem
And arrived after the birth
They stood and viewed the scene in awe
And knelt reverently in the lords presence
Then gave their gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh
The three wise women
Would have stopped to ask directions
And arrived before the birth
They would have delivered the baby
Then they would have cleaned the stable and cooked a meal
Before giving the baby really useful gifts
ARE YOU WEARING IT FOR A REASON?
Are you wearing it for a reason?
Is it because of the festive season?
You won’t be kissed under the mistletoe
Because you’re wearing it too low
A VEGETARIAN CHRISTMAS
Do you want to celebrate?
A vegetarian Christmas
Then here you are
Have a freshly strained
Vegetable every day
With the advent colander
THE COUNCIL CHRISTMAS TREE
The council Christmas tree is dressed
And the lights were switched on in June
But don’t get yourself unduly distressed
With energy saving lights it’s not too soon
Because you must switch them on remember
So they are warmed up by December
MY VERY WORST CHRISTMAS EVER
My very worst Christmas ever
Was when I got an empty carton
All dog-eared and flattened out
For hours of innocent ex-box fun