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Thread: Christmas 2017 # 3

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Christmas 2017 # 3

    IS SANTA CLAUS REALLY A WOMAN # 1

    Is Santa Claus really a woman?
    Oh do me a favour please
    Itís obviously a man
    Why is it so hard to believe?
    Thatís why everything happens
    Late on Christmas Eve

    A CHRISTMAS DAY BIRTHDAY # 1

    For those born on Christmas day
    Parents have a great responsibility
    So donít wish them a happy birthmas
    Or Merry Chrisday it provokes hostility

    ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 1

    Well I only got a sweater for Christmas
    Not the best thing to get for a dreamer
    Because I got a sweater for Christmas
    When I wanted a moaner or a screamer

    HAPPY CHRISTMAS AUNTIE PEGGY

    For Christmas I bought my Auntie
    A brand new wooden leg
    I didnít have it specially made
    No I just got it off the peg
    You may say itís not a nice gift
    Or even that itís a killer
    It wasnít her main present though
    It was just a stocking filler

    TRANSVESTITE CHRISTMAS

    Do you think that cross dressers
    Find Christmas is merry?
    I bet you think they are sad
    Well on the contrary
    I really love Christmas
    As I can eat, drink and be Mary

    MY GOOSE WAS COOKED

    On Christmas morning
    Into the kitchen I snook
    And as my wife cooked the Goose
    I goosed the cook

    DO NOT EAT CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS

    Do not eat Christmas decorations
    They are not nutritious in the slightest
    And apart from that very simple fact
    You will end up with bad tinsilitis

    I ALWAYS COME OUT IN A RASH

    I always come out in a rash
    It happens every Xmas
    Iíve been to see a doctor
    And he thinks its Eczemas

    GOOD KING WENCESLAS ORDERED OUT

    Good King Wenceslas ordered out
    On the feast of Stephen
    An eighteen slice with extra cheese
    Deep pan, crisp and even

    I LOVE CHRISTMAS PUDDING

    I love Christmas pudding
    But it doesnít return the favour
    I wish you could get Gaviscon
    In brandy butter flavour

    CHRISTMAS GIFTS Ė HIS AND HERS

    I got a book for Christmas
    ď101 sexual positionsĒ
    I got it from my brother
    My wife also received a book
    ď102 handy excusesĒ
    A present from her mother

    CRACKERS, FRUITCAKE AND NUTS

    Crackers, fruitcake and nuts
    They mean Christmas to me
    Although to be honest, they
    Could also describe my family

    HANDLE MUM WITH CARE

    Mum gets really stressed out at Christmas
    And you upset her if you dare
    Because the result could be that you will
    Be hung from the chimney with care

    SANTA CLAUS IS IN TROUBLE

    Santa Claus is in trouble
    Heís been up to his old tricks again
    When the Christmas fairy was found
    Licking his candy cane

    SNOWMAN

    What a lovely snowman
    Big and round and tall
    There isnít anything I like better
    Really nothing at all
    Itís the first thing I look for
    As soon as the snow falls
    Itís definitely a snowman
    See it has ďSnow ballsĒ

  2. #2
    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Can't pick a favorite this go round!
    They are all priceless!
    *chuckles*
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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  4. #4
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Very nice. It is hard to pick out a best one. That one about the goose was pretty good and then there's eat, drink and be Mary and the one about fruitcake. You can't go wrong with fruitcake.

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