"Two and a Half Men" - A Chain Story

[Tammuz]

Whoever feels inclined to participate in this chain story may add scenes. Please insert ´laughters´ to capture the sitcom mood.

****

In the kitchen. Berta is cleaning glasses. Charlie comes in and finds his breakfast ready and waiting.

CHARLIE
(yawning)
How it´s going?

BERTA
(sighs)
Seven years, three months and five days ago it still went very well.

(Ooooohhh...)

CHARLIE
(sips at his coffee)
Please spare me the details.

(Hehehehe...)

BERTA
And what about you? Slept well?

CHARLIE
Not really. My girl friend has come no more than three times.

(Hahahahahaha...)

BERTA
You could have spared me the details, too, nonetheless thanks for the information.

(Hehehehe...)

BERTA
But whom are you talking of? According to my book-keeping you have four girl friends at present.

(Oooooohhh...)

CHARLIE
(looks surprised)
Are you sure?

He slowly counts four fingers of his left hand.

CHARLIE
You´re right.

(Hehehehe...)

BERTA
And you´re drinking too much. So whom are you talking of?

CHARLIE
(stretches luxuriously)
Amanda...

BERTA
But didn´t you say she´s frigid?

CHARLIE
Sure, she was. Then my psychologist recommended that she imagine Donald Trump when sleeping with me.

(Hahahahahahaha...)

BERTA
That helped?

CHARLIE
Three times...

(Hahahahaha...)

BERTA
That´s strange. When I once slept with Donald Trump I found him not so great.

(Ooooohhh...)

CHARLIE
(softly)
I always thought that minus times minus is plus.

(Hahahahaha...)

Alan comes in and joins the table.

ALAN
(looking tired)
God, I had a bad sleep. I dreamed some crazy nonsense.

CHARLIE
Well?

ALAN
I dreamed that Daisy Duck rides on a broomstick through the sky, shouting "Yeah Donald, yeah Donald, yeah Donald".

(Hahahahahahaha...)

BERTA
Did she overfly the White House?

ALAN
(baffled)
How do you know that?

(Hahahahaha...)

BERTA
In this home there are no secrets. Not for me.

(Hehehe...)

ALAN
(rubbing his eyes)
I´m so tired. Maybe I´m still dreaming.

He takes a deep breath.

ALAN
Tell me quite frankly: Am I naked right now?

CHARLIE and BERTA
No!!!

ALAN
So I´m not dreaming.

(Hahahahaha...)