I ALWAYS FIGURED THAT MICHAEL’S FAMILY TREE
I always figured that Michael’s family tree
Must have been from the cactus family
Because I’ve met the relatives of Mick
And everyone on his family tree is a prick
MONEY IS NOT THE KEY TO HAPPINESS
“Money is not the key to happiness”
That’s what they always say, but
Of course if you have enough money,
You can have your own key cut
I JUST HEARD THAT THE SEXY GIRL
I just heard that the sexy girl
From Goldfinger, Pussy Galore
Changed her name for the film
She was Fanny Aplenty before
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS BEING EXPLORED
Artificial Intelligence is being explored
By science, despite its inadvisability
But then education and inquisitiveness
Are no defence against natural stupidity
AMIDST THE TERRIBLE TRAGEDY SADIQ
Amidst the terrible tragedy
Sadiq smiled, to his eternal shame
But the reason for that was
That he had found someone to blame
THE WI-FI STOPPED WORKING
The Wi-Fi stopped working
As the family ate their stew
And a teenager began talking
The father said “Who are you?”
IF HELEN WAS THE FACE
If Helen was the face
That launched a thousand ships
Then Paris was the dick
Who caused Troy’s apocalypse
I THINK IT’S PROBABLY A MYTH
I think it’s probably a myth
Regarding multitasking women
Like the Loch Ness Monster or
Shy retiring used car salesmen
WHILE EAVES DROPPING IN THE VESTRY
While eaves dropping in the vestry
I heard mention of a blasphemy palaver
Or so I thought, but it turned out
That the vicar said raspberry pavlova
I AM NOT A HOUSE PROUD MAN
I am not a house proud man
By any means or measure
I find it too much of a chore
I am more a man of leisure
So for me a clean flat is
The sign of a broken computer