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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 217

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 217

    THERE ARE THREE THINGS FOR WHICH

    There are three things for which
    Witnesses are required for
    Criminal acts, accidents and
    Marriages, so need I say more?

    I NEED TO START PAYING CLOSER ATTENTION

    I need to start paying closer attention
    To things, every detail of this and that
    Because I found out today that my wife
    And I, have different names for our cat

    WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTHING I LOVE

    Why is it that everything I love
    Is either unhealthy, addictive
    Or has taken out more than one
    Restraining order against me

    AS A BOY I ASKED GOD FOR A BIKE ONE DAY

    As a boy I asked God for a bike one day,
    But I knew God didnít work that way
    So I decided to steal a bike and then
    I asked God for forgiveness instead

    I'M REALLY GOOD AT DOING THINGS

    I'm really good at doing things
    Practical and skilful things,
    Hands on artisan type things
    Until I have people watching

    I BOUGHT A VACUUM CLEANER SIX MONTHS AGO

    I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago
    And a top of the range model was a must
    But I have to say it hasnít earned its keep as yet
    As so far all it's been doing is gathering dust

    IMAGINE BEING FIVE MINUTES FROM THE END

    Imagine being five minutes from the end
    Of the longest movie ever made and then
    It starts over because it forgot something
    Well that's my wifeís way of story telling

    MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT COMPROMISE

    Marriage is all about compromise
    For example my wife wanted a cat
    I on the other hand did not want one
    So we compromised and got a cat

    THE END OF THE WORLD IS NOT A JOKE

    The end of the world is not a joke
    In fact itís a source of great sorrow
    But people still tell end of the world
    Jokes like there is no tomorrow

    WHAT MAKES PHILANDERERS CHASE WOMEN

    What makes philanderers chase women
    They have no intention of marrying?
    Clearly the same urge that makes canines
    Chase cars they have no intention of driving

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Very nice selection. They are all good. I'd list my favorites but I'd have to list all of them. I'd try to only point out a few: I liked the one about compromise and the cat, the one about love and restraining orders and jokes about there being no tomorrow.

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    I agree with Y/N, all of them are good.

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    TheFairyDogMother kiz_paws's Avatar
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    Again, perfectly witty!
    My faves are the first and the last.
    Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and its beauty
    ~Albert Einstein

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    A User, but Registered! tonywalt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Biggus View Post
    THERE ARE THREE THINGS FOR WHICH

    There are three things for which
    Witnesses are required for
    Criminal acts, accidents and
    Marriages, so need I say more?

    I NEED TO START PAYING CLOSER ATTENTION

    I need to start paying closer attention
    To things, every detail of this and that
    Because I found out today that my wife
    And I, have different names for our cat

    WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTHING I LOVE

    Why is it that everything I love
    Is either unhealthy, addictive
    Or has taken out more than one
    Restraining order against me

    AS A BOY I ASKED GOD FOR A BIKE ONE DAY

    As a boy I asked God for a bike one day,
    But I knew God didn’t work that way
    So I decided to steal a bike and then
    I asked God for forgiveness instead

    I'M REALLY GOOD AT DOING THINGS

    I'm really good at doing things
    Practical and skilful things,
    Hands on artisan type things
    Until I have people watching

    I BOUGHT A VACUUM CLEANER SIX MONTHS AGO

    I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago
    And a top of the range model was a must
    But I have to say it hasn’t earned its keep as yet
    As so far all it's been doing is gathering dust

    IMAGINE BEING FIVE MINUTES FROM THE END

    Imagine being five minutes from the end
    Of the longest movie ever made and then
    It starts over because it forgot something
    Well that's my wife’s way of story telling

    MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT COMPROMISE

    Marriage is all about compromise
    For example my wife wanted a cat
    I on the other hand did not want one
    So we compromised and got a cat

    THE END OF THE WORLD IS NOT A JOKE

    The end of the world is not a joke
    In fact it’s a source of great sorrow
    But people still tell end of the world
    Jokes like there is no tomorrow

    WHAT MAKES PHILANDERERS CHASE WOMEN

    What makes philanderers chase women
    They have no intention of marrying?
    Clearly the same urge that makes canines
    Chase cars they have no intention of driving
    I love the marriage compromise one. Brilliant. Art. Genius.

  9. #9

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