WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 5
If you value your life avoid places
Where demons from hell meet
Like a certain geographical location
Infamously known as Elm Street
I FLEW ON AN INFAMOUS BUDGET AIRLINE
I flew on an infamous budget airline
Who charged for every single item
Except for the bad service, that was free,
Which was very generous of them
GOD BLESSED US WITH THE BRAIN
God blessed us with the brain
To solve very complex problems
However human nature means
Using it creates more problems
I DISCOVERED WHEN WE WERE ON HOLIDAY
I discovered when we were on holiday
That my girlfriend screams the same way
Whether a shark might render her caput
Or a piece of dead seaweed touches her foot
MY GRANDMA TOLD ME HER JOINTS TROUBLE HER
My grandma told me her joints trouble her
And elaborated, saying they are getting weaker
I said I had a way to make her life brighter
If she was just to roll her spliffs a bit tighter
WHEN I TAKE THE TIME TO PONDER MY SITUATION
When I take the time to ponder my situation
I consider myself to lead a very lucky life,
Because the fine cognac that I drink is older
Than the woman I’m happy to call my wife
THE MOST DEPRESSING THING ABOUT TENNIS
The most depressing thing about Tennis
Is that no matter how well I hit the ball
And how much time I spend practising,
I'm never going to be as good as the wall
MY WIFE AND I ALWAYS COMPROMISE
My wife and I always compromise
That’s the secret to being happy
Our compromise is, that I admit
I'm wrong and she agrees with me
ONE DAY A COMPUTER
One day a computer
Actually beat me at chess,
I didn’t take it well,
I was a total mess
So we had a rematch
To go tit for tat
But he was no match for me
With a baseball bat
TIMES ARE BAD AND GETTING WORSE
Times are bad and getting worse
And I’m shocked at the severity
As the light at the end of the tunnel
Has been turned off due to austerity
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