WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 3
When there is a raging storm outside
And an intruder with murderous intent
And the power suddenly goes out
Do not go and search the basement
THE PREFECT AND THE OIK
“Why are you always such a dirty little oik?”
The prefect asked
“You are the dirtiest pupil by far,
Look at me, I’m always clean and smart”
The boy replied
“I'm closer to the ground than you are”
THE ROADS WERE UNEVEN AND BUMPY
The roads were uneven and bumpy,
Potholed and rutted
Which is no more than what
You come to expect
Of a third world country
Unfortunately I was driving in Surrey
YOU CAN EITHER ASK ME TO DO SOMETHING
You can either ask me to do something
Or you tell me how you want it done.
But not both, if you already know best
How to do it, just do it yourself, hon
I’VE SURVIVED PROSTATE CANCER
I’ve survived prostate cancer
I've had two bypass surgeries,
I'm half blind, more than half deaf
And I have type two diabetes
I’ve had hip replacements,
An elbow and two new knees,
I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92
And when I go out I can’t go far
As I have a very weak bladder
But at least I can still drive my car
AN ELDERLY WOMAN DECIDED TO PREPARE HER WILL
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will
“I have two requests” she told her solicitor
“First, I want to be cremated, and second I want
My ashes scattered over all around Tombola
“Tombola?” the solicitor “Why a Bingo Hall?”
“Well that way I'll be sure to see my daughter”
AS I'VE MATURED
I've learned in my life that it takes years
To build up trust, and respectability
And it only takes suspicion, and not
A shred of proof, to destroy it completely
A CAT CALLED BOWLING
We have a cat called “Bowling”
So why did we call him that?
It’s obvious when you think about it
Because “Bowling” is an Alley cat
I AM NOT FRESH OR ORIGINAL
I am not fresh or original
That kind of sums up my story
And I have greyish white hair
So I am become hoary
MEDICINAL REJECTION
“I can't be your valentine
For medical reasons” said Nick
“God is it serious?” he asked
“No you just make me sick”
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