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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 208

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 208

    WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 2

    When it appears that you have succeeded
    And the monster is lying dead
    Do not for any reason go and check
    Get the hell out of there instead

    THE CAT ESSAY

    The teacher said “your essay on “My cat”
    Is exactly the same as your brother Matt’s,
    Did you copy his work for your story?”
    “No, miss, but it's the same cat” said Corey

    APRIL SHOWERS BRING

    April showers bring
    May flowers it seems
    But then May flowers
    Only bring Pilgrims

    THE ORIGINS OF FAT TUESDAY

    The origins of Fat Tuesday
    Are Anglican and Catholic
    But in our town Fat Tuesday
    Is an overweight biker chic

    A LONELY FARMER DECIDED TO SEE A MOVIE

    A lonely farmer decided to see a movie
    And take his favourite Cockerel too
    But he knew animals weren’t allowed
    So he hid him down his pants, out of view
    He bought a ticket, and went inside
    And sat down next to two old widows
    The movie started unbuttoning his fly
    So the Cockerel could watch the show
    And one widow whispered to the other
    “The guy next to me has his thing out”
    Her friend replied “Don’t be squeamish
    It’s not your first nor the last no doubt,
    And I’m sure you’ve seen bigger
    When you’re at home watching porn”
    “Well I’ve seen bigger” she agreed
    “But I’ve not seen one eating my popcorn”

    MY FIRST EXPERIENCE OF DRINKING COFFEE

    My first experience of drinking Coffee
    Was when I was a kid at school
    It came in a bottle and tasted foul
    “Camp” it was called and wasn’t cool

    THEY DO VERY ODD THINGS WITH SPUDS

    They do very odd things with spuds
    Nowadays some of which seem crazy
    When I was young people who didn't
    Peel potatoes were regarded as lazy

    WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 2

    When I was young we ate a healthy diet
    With plenty of fruit and vegetables
    But we never thought of eating Seaweed
    In fact we didn’t even know it was edible

    INTERLOCUTOR RESPONSE

    “Is it true if you’re asked a question
    You answer with another question?”
    A young man asked his new bride
    “Who told you that?” she replied

    HE DIALED 999

    He dialed 999 and said.
    “Send an ambulance, my wife is in Labour”
    “Is this her first baby?” the operator asked
    “No, this is her husband, Trevor”

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    For some reason the idea that writing about the same cat should produce the same essay was just what I needed today. I also agree about what not to do in a horror movie unless, perhaps, some bird is eating your popcorn.

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    I particularly liked the last one about dialing 999.

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