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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 207

  1. #1
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 207

    WHAT NOT TO DO IN HORROR MOVIES # 1

    When browsing the occult section
    Of the library shelves
    Never read aloud from a book
    Of demon summoning spells

    A TEACHER HELD A SPELLING BEE

    A teacher held a spelling bee and asked
    “Kyle, how do you spell “crocodile?”“
    “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L” he said
    “No, that's not the way to spell Crocodile”
    Said the teacher “Maybe it’s wrong, but you
    Asked me how I spell it” explained Kyle

    MY SON TOLD ME HE PLAYED IN A BAND

    My son told me he played in a band
    And I’m afraid I did have to mock
    Because they are called the Pilgrims
    So I asked if they played Plymouth Rock


    ONE DIRECTION HAVE SPLIT UP

    “One Direction” have split up
    It seems nothing lasts these days
    Ironically all the members
    Have gone their separate ways

    MY DEAR ELDERLY MOTHER

    My dear elderly mother
    Suffers with indigestion
    Ironically her Gaviscon
    Is on a repeat prescription

    ARE YOU WEARING SPATS?

    Are you wearing spats?
    Like some old Chicago gangster
    If you were told they were in vogue
    Then you’re the butt of a prankster

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 385

    “As I was going up the stair
    I met a man who wasn't there!
    He wasn't there again today,
    Damn that was some good Mary J”

    LAST NIGHT I WAS SHAKEN VIOLENTLY AWAKE

    Last night I was shaken violently awake
    So I thought it must be an earthquake
    But I soon realised as my heart was soaring
    It was just my wife telling me I was snoring

    ONE DAY ON THE GOLF COURSE

    One day on the golf course
    I overturned my golf cart
    A pretty woman came to assist
    And I was attracted from the start
    Elizabeth, was very attractive
    And didn’t apportion blame
    “Are you okay are you hurt?”
    she asked “what's your name?”
    “It’s Colin and I’m fine” I replied
    And she invited me to her villa
    which backed onto the course
    “I'll help you with the cart later”
    “That's kind of you,” I answered,
    But my wife wouldn’t like it”
    “Oh, come on,” Elizabeth insisted
    “Just come in and rest for a bit”
    She was very persuasive “okay,”
    I agreed, “But my wife won't like it.”
    After a stiff drink I said “Thank you
    But I must go my wife will be upset.”
    “She’ll understand” Elizabeth said
    “Because you might have been hurt”
    And asked “where is she by the way?”
    And I replied “Under the cart!”

    WHEN I WAS YOUNG WE ATE A HEALTHY DIET # 1

    When I was young we ate a healthy diet
    With plenty of fruit and vegetables
    And we didn’t do it under sufferance
    Apart from prunes which were medicinal

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Nice story about the golf cart. And good advice about not reading demon summoning spells.
    Le cœur a ses raisons, que la raison ne connaît point. --Pascal

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