THE WOODPECKER LOST HIS BEAK
The Woodpecker lost his beak
As a result he was full of anger
He had lost his reason for being
And turned into a head banger
DRIED FRUIT TRADE
A customer said “I want to swap a bag
Of sultanas for two bags of raisins mate”
“I can only give you one bag” he was told
“Because that’s the currant exchange rate”
RIGHT ANGLED TRIANGLES
I wanted to buy some right angled triangles
And I wanted to do it without any fuss
So I asked around and took expert advice
And I was told to go to Pythag-R-Us
EXPERIENCED IN THE BEDROOM DEPARTMENT
I only dated my wife
Because I was told she was
“Experienced in the bedroom department”
Sadly it was gained
At Ikea over twenty years
Of course it was too late by then to lament
MY LUGGAGE GOT TRASHED AT THE AIRPORT
My luggage got trashed at the airport
So I made a claim at the appropriate place
But after filling out all the relevant forms
I was told I didn’t have much of a case
MY WIFE SENT ME TO BUY OXO CUBES
My wife sent me to buy Oxo cubes
Down at the local corner shop
But I returned home empty handed
Because they were out of stock
WE NEEDED A FAMILY HOLIDAY
We needed a family holiday
But lack of finances can restrict
So I had to take them all
Up to the Off Peak District
I’VE STARTED PLANNING MY HOLIDAY
I’ve started planning my holiday
Last year I went to the Canary Islands
And didn’t see a single canary
So this year I’m going to the Virgin Islands
JEAN PIERRE AND HIS LETTERS
Jean Pierre coated his French Letters
In the famous orange liqueur digestive
His girlfriend liked flavoured condoms
He called them his Cointreau-ceptives
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