“This place sure is pretty,” I said, despite being pretty sure that it was the understatement of the century. It didn’t really matter, though, I couldn’t think of anything better to say.
“Yeah,” said the girl sitting three feet from me.
We were both sitting in swings suspended from a massive tree overlooking a golden sunset. The scenery is expansive and ridiculously full of mountains and various reflective water bodies. Fog was positioned to reflect the golden light in a way that suggests that it was placed there by a higher power with impeccable taste.
“What do people usually talk about in situations like this?”
“I don’t think that many people get in situations like this,” she said, after thinking for a moment.
“I guess you’re right,” I didn’t want to disagree with her. “Where are you from?”
“What’s the point? I seriously doubt you really care. You want to establish some kind of dialogue with me because I’m a girl and you’re a guy and we’re in an unbelievably romantic situation together, despite never having met before.”
“You’re probably right. I just don’t know what else to do. I’m not even sure how we’re going to get down. How did we get up here in the first place?”
The ground looked pretty small a hundred feet below us. Or, rather, it looked pretty small in a way that suggests that it could quickly look very large and then not look much like anything at all.
“...you’ve got a legitimate point. So, what do you want to talk about?”
“I was going to start with ‘Where are you from?’, if that’s okay with you.”
“Here’s a better idea. Why don’t we plan how we’re going to get down instead of chatting idly? That sun is probably going to set soon, and then it’s not going to be any fun to climb up to that limb, sleep here, or fall to our deaths.”
“Um. Sure, I guess. It doesn’t look like we’ll be able to get on top of that limb, though. The rope is bolted to the bottom of the branch, and that branch is as big around as a truck. Unless you’re secretly an experienced climber.”
“...We should make out.”
“It doesn’t look like we’re going to get out of this situation. This is pretty romantic. You’re not terrible looking. Let me see what you’ve got. Don’t tell me you don’t want to. I can see that look in your eye. You look nervous, though. Have you ever kissed a girl?”
“Of course I have! I just… What, are we just supposed to lean over and…”
“Just close your eyes.”
I did. Seconds later, I felt a thin shoe contact my face. I lost my balance, and fell for about 4.5 seconds. I died shortly after from massive internal bleeding. It was pretty painful, but it’s over now.
The girl ended up cutting the boy’s swing loose and using it to add to the length of her own swing, using the two swings in conjunction to be able to swing over to the trunk of the enormous tree. She managed to climb down the tree, only to get mauled by a lion. The lion used the girl’s flesh to feed the lion’s children, and the lions lived happily ever after for another several years before dying of natural causes.