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Thread: Please help me to correct this request letter:

  1. #1
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    Please help me to correct this request letter:

    Hello everyone, please help me to correct this request letter:

    Dear Sir,
    I am writing this letter to request an extension in the deadline for submitting my official transcript,

    I am looking forward to apply to the Master of Business Administration program, the application deadline for international students is February 1, for the 2017 fall admission.

    However, I have expected to get my diplomat by the end of these month, but when I call the university administration, they said that the diplomats steal in the process of signature from the academic administration whom are on holidays now, but they promise that I’ll be get my diplomat by the end of February.

    Therefore, I formally request an extension to the submission deadline and undertake to submit my official transcript by the end of February,

    Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

  2. #2
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    Pretty good, the only obvious minor errors I could find were "when I call" instead of "when I called", and "end of these month". "whom are on holiday" should be "who". Not sure what you mean by "diplomats steal in the process".

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamwoven View Post
    Pretty good, the only obvious minor errors I could find were "when I call" instead of "when I called", and "end of these month". "whom are on holiday" should be "who". Not sure what you mean by "diplomats steal in the process".
    Thanks Dreamwoven for your help, I mean by "diplomats steal in the process" that the diplomats are waiting for a signature.

  4. #4
    Registered User DieterM's Avatar
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    In addition to Dreamwoven's corrections, here are some more (and major ones):
    - Diplomats: I gather you're talking about a "diploma" or several "diplomas" (as in certificates) not "diplomats" (as in ambassadors), right?
    - "I'm looking forward to apply" should be "I'm looking forward to applying"
    - "steal in the process" - no, that won't do; why not write "the diplomas are awaiting signature from…"
    - "they promise that I'll be get…" should be "they promise that I'll get…" (without the "be", which is one word too much).
    - you can look forward to the positive response; however, I'd only write "I'm looking forward to reading your response", it sounds more polite.
    Best of lucks to you – administrations can be sooooo depressing :-)
    "Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
    New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)

  5. #5
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    Yes, like DieterM, I, too, would like to wish you luck in your endeavours.

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