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Thread: Top predator

  1. #1
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    Top predator

    South Florida heat didn't stop at dusk. But that's when he went to work. Poaching isn't an 8-5 career.

    The water in the glades was black, but the outline of the gator was a shade darker. 6 foot easy, would have been a good haul. But that's not the one he wants. Today's job was for a certain monster. The one he kept hearing about. The one that was snatching up pets, and other animals. And now it had graduated to people.

    That one had to be a lot bigger than six feet. So he kept his eyes peeled as he steered his boat to check the bait he had set out the day before.

    Two more gators cocked their heads and moved to the water as he trolled past.

    It wasn't them either. 8 footers. Deadly creatures, but these weren't the people killers he was hunting.

    He knew in his gut that he would know it when he saw it.

    And he wasn't going to stop searching until he bagged it.

    The glades were getting thick, and visibility was low, and as his other senses heightened, he began to smell it.

    There. On the bank. He saw a silouette.

    “Gotcha, ya bastard”, he whispered. With one hand he ignited his searchlight, with the other he brought his rifle up to his cheek.

    The smell was so strong now he hesitated for half a heart beat . Something was off.

    He could see the gators tail. It was big. Bigger than the ones he saw earlier. He moved the light beam slowly, tracing the outline of the creature

    As he brought the beam up to the torso he froze.

    A second silouette moved. Hovering over the body of the gator on the bank.

    What kills a gator in the wild? The poacher felt the icy pain of fear for the first time in his life.

    His shaky hand raised the beam of light to meet the second creature.

    Two wild human eyes glimmered in the light.

    The face smiled back into the search beam with red teeth.

    And then bent over the dead alligator, and took a bite.
    Last edited by Graybush; 10-20-2016 at 03:40 AM.

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    This was an idea I have been kicking around. Instead of a long drawn out story, I opted for a short story to see what criticism I get back. Maybe I can work with this concept, maybe I should scrap it. Please leave me your feedback. Thanks in advance
    Such is life

    http://fyrstories.blogspot.com/

  3. #3
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    This short story leaves too many unknowns unanswered. What was the creature that ate the alligator? You imply it was human. Is that what you meant?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamwoven View Post
    This short story leaves too many unknowns unanswered. What was the creature that ate the alligator? You imply it was human. Is that what you meant?


    Thanks for the input, if I end up fleshing this story out I'll elaborate
    Such is life

    http://fyrstories.blogspot.com/

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    I like the style of it.

    I don't know what you mean by the "smell". Can one smell an alligator? Are we talking about decomposing flesh? I honestly don't know and would beg to be enlightened.

    I particularly liked the way you manufactured the sense of anticipation leading up to the discovery of the dead animal as well as the secondary discovery. Lots of directions this thing can go form here. I'm already interested in reading more.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DATo View Post
    I like the style of it.

    I don't know what you mean by the "smell". Can one smell an alligator? Are we talking about decomposing flesh? I honestly don't know and would beg to be enlightened.

    I particularly liked the way you manufactured the sense of anticipation leading up to the discovery of the dead animal as well as the secondary discovery. Lots of directions this thing can go form here. I'm already interested in reading more.
    Thank you! Yes the smell is alluding to the body.
    Such is life

    http://fyrstories.blogspot.com/

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