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Thread: A Little Bit Of Humour # 181

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    A Little Bit Of Humour # 181

    21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 379

    Little Bo Peep
    Has lost her sheep
    But in truth
    She does care a peep
    She prefers ram’s
    Does Little Hoe Peep

    DISNEY HAVE GOT INTO PORN # 1

    Disney have got into porn
    And the first film to be made
    Is a remake of a classic
    Renamed “The Little Sperm Maid”

    ON MY BED AT HOME # 2

    On my bed at home I have
    A deluxe memory foam mattress
    But it remembers I’m overweight
    Which causes me great distress

    MY SON JOKES ABOUT MY AGE # 3

    My son jokes about my age
    His humour is frankly, not
    He says my first license
    Was for driving a chariot

    WHEN I CHECKED LABELS AT THE SUPERMARKET

    When I checked labels at the supermarket
    I had to point out the irony to my wife Helen
    As to why lemon juice had artificial flavouring
    And washing up liquid is made with real lemons

    I AM NOT A GERMAPHOBE

    I am not a Germaphobe, but cleanliness
    Is something to which I have no objections
    But it seems pointless, to sterilise needles
    That are to be used for lethal injections

    A PENNY’S WORTH

    Apparently “to put your two pennies worth in”
    Means that you took your chance to speak
    But you only get a “penny for your thoughts”
    Which I have always thought a bit of a cheek
    I don’t understand the disparity in the values
    Why is it cheaper to think than it is to speak?

    PUT DOWN # 61

    Put downs work the best
    For deflecting unwanted attention
    But try to be amusing
    As this relieves the tension
    So if you tire of unwanted attention
    Just tell him you’re incompatible
    and if he questions your remark
    Say it’s because you’re not inflatable

    WHY DID THE LION CROSS THE ROAD?

    Why did the Lion cross the road?
    Well not just to get to the other side
    The reason he wanted to cross over
    Was to get to the other pride

    PROCRASTINATION IS THE THIEF OF TIME # 1

    Procrastination is the thief of time,
    There’s no truer saying without a doubt
    And as a result of my dithering
    I still don’t know “who let the dogs out”

  2. #2
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    That was a good put down about not being compatible with someone because one is not inflatable. I'm also puzzled by why they would put real lemons in dish soap but artificial flavoring in lemon juice.

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