Short fiction thread

[YesNo]

I ALWAYS read the comments. The problem is, even with hundreds of reads, there's no comments. I have to tell you about another site called Scribophile. To post there you have to have "karma" points. To get 'em, you have to do critiques. When you get so many karma points you can post a story. It gets so many critiques. Of course, many of these people you don't know, so who cares what they think? Especially if they've got no skills, either as a reader or writer.

Some however, you befriend because you like their work. So when your stuff comes under the "spot light" they can critique it first.


All this is free, but over all, I prefer the format here. It's best for the written word but if you want words AND pictures you have to go to my blog. For some reason and for some time I haven't been able to add pictures here.

Of course, there are copyright issues. And why would anyone pay for something they can get free?

So many read and not many at all comment. At one time I posted stories on a now defunct site called Short Fiction UK. Found out later it was a site most aimed at the Erotica Set. Found out when I noticed many of my titles got read more than others. It was ones that could be mistaken for Erotica, (like Gentle Persuasion) LOL.

Last time I did a count, I had 50 or so stories and over 160,000 reads between them. Didn't mean poo poo. Once a person clicks on something, he or she may decide it's not their cup of tea and give it up early. It all counts as a read, whether or not anyone completely reads it or not. Number don't say poop. Comments are everything. Even negative comments can be instructive.

The like, comment and number of followers counts are useful for comparative purposes with other people producing the same content. It doesn't matter if they read it or not or really like it. I see my posts as being in an environment and these are ways to measure its effectiveness. It is like viewing the work as a "publisher" rather than an "author".

What I really like and want to have access to again quickly I post to a Google+ collection. I have different collections for photography, art, poetry, prose or just quotes. Some I will even put to my author facebook page or tweet. These are very selective, but if I read a page and I don't dislike it, I will click a "like" button if I want to encourage the author.

As I read your story about Forrester, it seems to me this took place in a dream caused by a fever. One sentence stood out for me: "After satisfying their sexual appetites they would notice they had nothing in common." I don't know why.

[Danik 2016]

I think that, besides, publicating these haibuns separately, now could be the time to put together the material you have to see how it might look as a complete story, where there are still holes,where bridges are needed, etc.
This story has cute parts too- Fred as a father- What became of the little dogs?
Just a question that occurs me: wasn´t there any other part of the terrain, where you could have put the chicken or the dog?

[YesNo]

You're right I should get off my butt and write that story. I keep delaying with these haibun.

I think the puppies may have been destroyed by my neighbor who owned the dog. His dog got off her chain and ran to Fred. I would have been in deep trouble if Fred got off his chain. I don't know what happened to them.

I could have isolated the chickens from the dog. There was plenty of place to do that. What was lacking was brains on my part to do it.

If everything worked out as I planned I would still be there in Maine to this day. By taking on the temporary care of Fred and then the permanent care of those chickens, I was settling down to that location as well in my mind. When that ended, I went back to school and left the wilderness behind.

[Danik 2016]

Don´t mind my nosiness Yes/No. The story is yours and you are going to complete it when you feel ready for it. It seems it covers a period of your life.

It was a situation that required much experience. And you got Fred to obey you and accept the chain. There might have been more mischief if we had broken completely free.

[YesNo]

I don't mind, Danik. I consider what I've posted in thread, as well as comments I posted on the animal thread you started, part of telling the story. It covers a period I remember as lasting about six months, perhaps longer.

[Danik 2016]

That´s ok then, Yes/No.

[YesNo]

Here's another story, prompted by a dVerse Poets Pub challenge to write a haibun about a song one listens to while driving.

-------------------------------------------------------

The first time I drove these fast, multi-lane interstate highways connecting Chicago and northern Indiana I was alone and I thought I was going to die or get my butt kicked since I wasn’t supposed to be on them. I was driving a cheap, used car I bought from a classmate without asking my father’s advice because I didn’t have a brain in my head. A week later, after the car and I survived I-94, it suddenly lost oil and brought me, safely, to its final stop on a country road.

When driving back to my childhood surroundings these memories take advantage of that to hold my attention.

My sister is still there with her family. There is also my former teacher. His children, who have children now, I remember as children whom I baby sat while their youngest sibling was being born. My parents are both there, side by side, but where they really are, and perhaps who they really are, I will find out in the not too distant future. One by one, they joined my brother whose misfortune with automobiles was worse than mine. I can still see my father opening the door for me as we gathered that day. How he cried!

I hear Omar Alfanno’s “Un Hombre de Verdad” playing from my phone over the car’s speakers. My heart tells my mind that enough is enough and they give me a chance to listen. I touch repeat.

APRIL’S EYES HAVE CLEARED
EARTH WAITS WARM AND PATIENTLY
BLOOMS SMILE EVERYWHERE

[Danik 2016]

I´m not sure, Yes/ No if this to be the first haibun of the whole story or if it is a wholy different story. Anyway it makes a good beginning.

[YesNo]

It's the whole story, but I am not sure it is actually a story.

[Danik 2016]

I ALWAYS read the comments. The problem is, even with hundreds of reads, there's no comments. I have to tell you about another site called Scribophile. To post there you have to have "karma" points. To get 'em, you have to do critiques. When you get so many karma points you can post a story. It gets so many critiques. Of course, many of these people you don't know, so who cares what they think? Especially if they've got no skills, either as a reader or writer.

Some however, you befriend because you like their work. So when your stuff comes under the "spot light" they can critique it first.


All this is free, but over all, I prefer the format here. It's best for the written word but if you want words AND pictures you have to go to my blog. For some reason and for some time I haven't been able to add pictures here.

Of course, there are copyright issues. And why would anyone pay for something they can get free?

So many read and not many at all comment. At one time I posted stories on a now defunct site called Short Fiction UK. Found out later it was a site most aimed at the Erotica Set. Found out when I noticed many of my titles got read more than others. It was ones that could be mistaken for Erotica, (like Gentle Persuasion) LOL.

Last time I did a count, I had 50 or so stories and over 160,000 reads between them. Didn't mean poo poo. Once a person clicks on something, he or she may decide it's not their cup of tea and give it up early. It all counts as a read, whether or not anyone completely reads it or not. Number don't say poop. Comments are everything. Even negative comments can be instructive.

I wrote an extensive answer to this but it got deleted.
I have read allmost all your stories and I like them, specially those that deal with US themes. I wondered if you had them, or a selection of them printed.
But I comment much less the stories in general today, than I used to because few people seem interested. One restricts oneself to those that seem to enjoy a feedback.

[Danik 2016]

Here's another story, prompted by a dVerse Poets Pub challenge to write a haibun about a song one listens to while driving.

-------------------------------------------------------

The first time I drove these fast, multi-lane interstate highways connecting Chicago and northern Indiana I was alone and I thought I was going to die or get my butt kicked since I wasn’t supposed to be on them. I was driving a cheap, used car I bought from a classmate without asking my father’s advice because I didn’t have a brain in my head. A week later, after the car and I survived I-94, it suddenly lost oil and brought me, safely, to its final stop on a country road.

When driving back to my childhood surroundings these memories take advantage of that to hold my attention.

My sister is still there with her family. There is also my former teacher. His children, who have children now, I remember as children whom I baby sat while their youngest sibling was being born. My parents are both there, side by side, but where they really are, and perhaps who they really are, I will find out in the not too distant future. One by one, they joined my brother whose misfortune with automobiles was worse than mine. I can still see my father opening the door for me as we gathered that day. How he cried!

I hear Omar Alfanno’s “Un Hombre de Verdad” playing from my phone over the car’s speakers. My heart tells my mind that enough is enough and they give me a chance to listen. I touch repeat.

APRIL’S EYES HAVE CLEARED
EARTH WAITS WARM AND PATIENTLY
BLOOMS SMILE EVERYWHERE

It is certainly a complete episode in itself. You use the free association method, the driving home scene suggesting others.

Just some comments (yesterday my eyes weren´t so helpful):
I didn´t quite understand this sentence:
"When driving back to my childhood surroundings these memories take advantage of that to hold my attention."
Advantage to what? To the episode of the car.
Then it is not so clear to me how you managed to get home after the oil leak. Did you have the car repaired?

[YesNo]

Thanks for pointing out the confusion. I am going to have to fix that somehow.

"These memories" refer to that car incident that happened decades ago. The "that" refers to the fact that I am now driving those same roads today. That old car was not worth repairing. It made its "final stop" long ago.

This is actually the second draft of that haibun. I wanted to emphasize that the memories are not something I am in control of. They come to me as if they are making a choice on their own to do so taking advantage of the fact that I am driving the same interstate highway I drove long ago in that old car. Or some one else is sending them.

[Danik 2016]

It´s just a matter of this one sentence. Maybe something like:When driving back to my childhood surroundings these memories come alive again.
What you call "They come to me as if they are making a choice on their own" I call free association. The writer usually doesn´t know were his/ her associations are leading. The results tend to be very interesting. In your text the overlapping of different memories with one common factor produce a more dense text.

[YesNo]

That does seem to be a simpler way to express the same idea, Danik. Thanks! I don't want the reader to stumble through any of it.

[Danik 2016]

Looking over my comment´s I saw that I comited a blunder. On account of my eyes, which forced me to be short, I only pointed out, what I didn´t understand and not what I liked about the text. It is a very delicate recollection, one notices your mind moving between present and past, while the car moves with yourself in it, another car now, not the one you drove the first time. This part is also very clear, the memories almost materialise.
There is no stumbling, only that short sentence lost me.
And you mustn´t forget that I´m not a native.