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Thread: Subject short story competition

  1. #31
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Short Story Contest
    Deadline 1st August
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 07-30-2016 at 10:19 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  2. #32
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    24 hours for posting your stories for the short story contest!
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 07-31-2016 at 10:08 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  3. #33
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Thank you both again Yes/No and heartwing for the high quality of your contributions.
    Yes/No
    Walking the Incline-
    Yes/No, I enjoyed your text very much. It´s great merit is to recount a personal recollection in an interesting manner.
    It´s a visual narrative, the reader follows you as if he was watching a film. You start with an accurate description of the Incline and the information that it is a dangerous walk. This immediately catches the interest of the reader.
    Well, after putting your readers on guard about the danger, there comes a piece of typical Yes/ No humor: “People have died trying to reach the top, but people have died trying to do a lot of things.” And again there is a change of tone as you show, that even if you reached the summit alive, it wasn´t so easy after all.
    The adventure in itself produces some family conflict, as certain of its younger members found it their duty to look after you. Anyway, the presence of different people on the same trail makes you reflect on how age influences this kind of walk.
    The last sentence puzzled me a bit. Somehow I visualized a plastic gyrating globe, with small humans on its surface toppling over each other.
    Anyway, I think that mathers most of all is the good prose which deserves to be cultivated.
    Heartwing
    Texas Twist, 1978
    I enjoyed this story about education in a reversed sense.
    It highlights a significant change in the life of a girl, told by herself but from an older perspective.
    Having discovered at 13 that she is not the biological daughter of the couple that raised her, but an adopted child she seeks out her biological mother and does everything she can to get closer to her.
    The theme for the quest of biological parents it not so unusual (I don´t know in US, but in Brazil it is a recurrent issue in the soap operas). What is new and interesting is the ironic treatment of it. In the soap operas, the biological parents are usually better, more loving and richer than the adoptive ones, preferably all this together. If they prove inadequate, they usually disapear from scene very quickly.
    In Texas Twist, the development of the story is fuelled by the tensions between lines: the tension between the girl and her foster parents, mostly referred to as “Frank and Aida”; the tension between the girl and Kathy.
    There is an implicit contrast between the foster parents and Kathy and Joe.It seems that the narrator never felt much at home with the couple that adopted her, or the discovery of a lie, even on an important issue as this, wouldn’t lead to an almost complete estrangement. To her “Frank and Aida” represent the conventions which include the keeping up of appearances at all costs. While they are portrayed together (the one individualizing feature of Aida is her showing disconfort when the biological mother is called "Mama"). "Mama" and Joe, on the other hand, are shown as good looking and attractive. And "mama's" casual treament of herself contrasts favorably with the cringing hypocrisy of the foster parents.
    Whether moved by loneliness or adolescent rebelliousness or maybe both, the girl is only too ready to accept as “mama” anyone different enough from “Frank and Aida”. And Kathy, the biological mother, who lives in the ethnical and socially incendiary city of Fort Worth is disposed to teach her everything that her adopted parents will disapprove of.
    But she imposes conditions, using the magical formula “a daughter of mine”. And the girl, who wants so desperately to belong, answers with her guitar “I'll do anything to keep you satisfied”.
    I wonder where this will lead up to if this forceful tale where much more is implied than told is extended.
    *****


    And the oficial winner is heartwing, Congrats!In fact, congrats to both!
    I feel we all must talk about mantaining or not this context. The first result was surprising by the quality of the posts, but it remains to see if and how we'll go on with the thread.
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 08-03-2016 at 03:01 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  4. #34
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Congratulations, heartwing!. I assume heartwing will come up with another theme for the next round?

    Thanks for the comments, Danik! The last sentence puzzles me as well now.

  5. #35
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Before we get on to the next round, let´s think if its necessary to make any changes. For example is one month too much time?
    I would love suggestions for improvement.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  6. #36
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I'd like it every two weeks, but we would need enough participants. Also setting the deadline on the first and 15th of each month would resolve the deadline.

  7. #37
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Good suggestions, Yes/No.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  8. #38
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    As heartwing couldn´t take over the contest, the next edition will be comanded by Yes/No.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  9. #39
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I hope everything is OK with heartwing.

    Here is the prompt for the next short story contest: Write a story about a flood.

    The story doesn't have to be long. Just long enough.

    Deadline in one week (next Wednesday) provided there are at least two entries. Otherwise I will extend it for another week.

  10. #40
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    .........
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 08-27-2016 at 11:23 AM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  11. #41
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  12. #42
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    I missed your story, Danik. Could you repost it?

  13. #43
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Noah 2016

    The thin water trail seeping slowly in under the door like a snake, was the sign. They hastily grabbed the food left on the kitchen sink and went up.

    Everything had been done to protect the house. The entrance door had been raised high above the ground. The fridge, the stove and all the kitchen movables had been duly surrounded by floats. On the upper floor the wooden bedsteads had given way to cement niches up high in the walls.

    They fingered their cell phones frantically. No connection!

    The baby started to cry. They cleaned and changed him as well as they could and comforted him with the cold bottle.

    Then they sat down in the weird sleeping room among bulks of wrapped up furniture and huge plastic bags hanging from the ceiling, eating cheese sandwiches and drinking cola. Food had the effect to calm them.

    Again they looked out of the windows. The water now covered the whole door. They bolted the windows carefully and ascended in an Indian row to the flat roof of the house followed by the two yelping puppies.

    The roof with its grilling corner was mostly used for birthday celebrations and weekend parties. But now, with the rain pouring down it was an inhospitable place.

    They bedded the baby on the grill plate, the only sheltered place up there. They wrapped themselves from head to feet in plastic sacks. They finished the last coke and entertained themselves playing football with the empty dose. Then it went overboard toppling into the muddy sauce below.

    Three pairs of eyes followed it as it swam out of sight. The dirty pool was still rising. They could see four or five insulated cars halfway under water in the middle of the street, a desperate arm waiving out of one of them. A sofa went floating by, a swimming dog, a plastic bottle, lots of garbage... The rubber boats of the fire brigade went to and fro, taking in people.

    They tried the dead cell phones again and again.

    Two blocks down they spotted a half stranded bus, the passengers on the roof making wild signs, trying to attract the notice of the buzzing helicopters.

    Of course, the helicopters! They were their only hope. One of them took off his soaked red T-shirt and waived it as a flag. But it was much too small to attract any attention.

    Meanwhile the pilot of the biggest helicopter looked at his watch and yawned. Fifteen minutes yet to go. He longed to go home to his family. It had been a busy afternoon, flying over the flooded areas, spotting insulated people, giving support to the reportages. His wife had phoned twice. She would have phoned more often, but the district they crossed just now was on black out.

    Suddenly, the cameraman sitting beside him pointed down.

    Something rare was going on, on the roof of one of the flood belted houses. He brought the plane as close as he could. He blinked. Then he distinguished the three kids standing in the downpour, wrapped from head to feet in plastic bags and holding an open football club flag between them. Minutes later the image was on all TV screens.

    After what seemed an age, the fire brigade arrived with saving equipment. The whole country watched and held its breath. First they took in the girl clinging to the baby and the baby bag. Then they went for the boys. When the rescue basket made one more voyage, bringing in the two soaked puppies, the oldest boy sighed gratefully and leaned back on his seat.

    Far below them the brown lake advanced covering everything.
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 08-30-2016 at 03:13 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  14. #44
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Nice eerie effect. I had not thought that in such situations many of the people who needed rescue might not be seen by those in the helicopters who are getting tired and becoming even more unable to help. Good title.

  15. #45
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Thanks for your comments, Yes/No. This is only a very very light version of what happens here in some quarters of my city during the summer floods. The story was inspired in a TV scene showing the rescue of a family with its two pets by the fire brigade.
    The reality is usually far more desorganized as in the story, but I wanted it to have a happy end
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

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