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Thread: Subject short story competition

  1. #16
    flash fiction fatale heartwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danik 2016 View Post
    A very good story, HW! I suppose you must have a blog or some other means of publication somewhere. This is a contribution of a experienced writer.
    Thank you, Danik. I have a blog, yes - several under various names - which mostly house reprints of what has appeared elsewhere, as part of an online or print publication. But this is not on any site right now. I wanted to use something I've been working on and see if I could push it a little further in the process of adding it to the pot. I will consider this "published" as of a couple of days ago.

    I have been writing a long time, about twenty five years.
    Last edited by heartwing; 07-15-2016 at 08:31 PM.
    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ― Muriel Rukeyser
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  2. #17
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    It was disturbing and made me a little angry. That makes it an effective story where I live. Damn good.

  3. #18
    flash fiction fatale heartwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pompey Bum View Post
    It was disturbing and made me a little angry. That makes it an effective story where I live. Damn good.
    Thanks, PB. Because the story has the potential to be a bit incendiary, I've decided to attach a disclaimer. Also, I was trying to remain anonymous on the site but this is not necessarily a reality when posting original work.
    Last edited by heartwing; 07-15-2016 at 08:46 PM.
    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ― Muriel Rukeyser
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  4. #19
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Nice story, heartwing!

  5. #20
    flash fiction fatale heartwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YesNo View Post
    Nice story, heartwing!
    Thank you, YesNo! I hope you and I will have started something and there'll be more takers! Or should I say: Givers. ha.
    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ― Muriel Rukeyser
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  6. #21
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    What regards me, you will remain anonymous HW. I am from another country and I don´t know your real name.
    But thanks to you both Y/N and HW for the high level of your contributions. I feel we had a good start.
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 07-15-2016 at 11:43 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  7. #22
    flash fiction fatale heartwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danik 2016 View Post
    What regards me, you will remain anonymous HW. I am from another country and I don´t know your real name.
    But thank you both Y/N and HW for the high level of your contributions. I feel we had a good start.
    I am not known here by anyone either. Definitely how I like it, actually, but that works against you when you're about to come out with a collection or two and you are thinking ahead toward a readership. I hope this will be happening for me in the next year or so. I also hope more people will contribute to the thread. That would be fabu.
    Last edited by heartwing; 07-15-2016 at 11:33 PM.
    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ― Muriel Rukeyser
    (image: walking by crilleb50, deviantArt)

  8. #23
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Just one comprehension doubt, HW, I see you are on line. Who is the singing "my mark" in the paragraph before last. Joe?
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  9. #24
    flash fiction fatale heartwing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danik 2016 View Post
    Just one comprehension doubt, HW, I see you are on line. Who is the singing "my mark" in the paragraph before last. Joe?
    Thank you, Danik. I added the phrase "in church" to see if that clears things up but I didn't want the mark to be Joe. He already knows about their short con. But I definitely don't want it to be confusing. I am open to suggestions.

    The mark is just supposed to be some random innocent guy who is being distracting from singing hymns while the narrator steals from the offering plate. The offering plate goes around at one point during the church service and money gets tossed in. I envisioned the mother being there with the narrator to witness the con. I didn't necessarily envision Joe being there but I don't know if it matters, but yeah, suddenly he's not mentioned so...

    This is really the beauty of posting in a public forum like this. I've seen my own stuff so much I don't always see what may be missing. Something doesn't always have to be missing, but sometimes this is the case and it helps to know.

    Maybe I need to revisit the last couple of paragraphs.
    Last edited by heartwing; 07-16-2016 at 02:05 AM.
    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ― Muriel Rukeyser
    (image: walking by crilleb50, deviantArt)

  10. #25
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Thanks, HW. My interpretation of the final paragraphs was wrong, but now, with your explanation, everything is fitting nicely. I don´t think there is any need to change the last part for comprehension reasons.
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 07-16-2016 at 02:26 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  11. #26
    flash fiction fatale heartwing's Avatar
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    Ok. Well I started to realize too I may be assuming too much about people knowing what goes on in church, or for the most part at least a typical protestant church. I wonder if I shouldn't add just a bit much just to clarify that just a bit. The piece is going to need to stand alone and I do care about it very much. I've actually worked on it a while. I don't know why I care about it. So many unlikable characters. ha. But what happens to the narrator, as tough as she believes she is in the beginning, is something I care about so I want it all to stand alone. Thanks for your feedback, Danik. I really appreciate it. If you have any more for the piece, you can post it here or message me or if anyone else wants to give me constructive feedback, I am open to it through a message or here. I know how to handle such feedback so no worries about being honest. And it's likely this piece will remain fluid for a while. I may pursue publication as a reprint. But not for a bit.
    Last edited by heartwing; 07-16-2016 at 03:05 PM.
    “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ― Muriel Rukeyser
    (image: walking by crilleb50, deviantArt)

  12. #27
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    In that matter of con, catholic churches are very similar, they have the plate too, and I shouldn´t wonder if nowadays there might occur thefts. Thiefs are stealing more incredible things like bronze plates and statues from the cemeteries.
    I shall love to talk to you about the story, per post or PM as you prefer as soon as the contest is over. As usual with the poetry contexts, I'm also going to make a short comment on each of the stories that come in.
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 07-16-2016 at 10:09 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  13. #28
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    Just a reminder. For those writing stories for the subject short story contest, there is still a week to go.
    Deadline: August, 1st
    Last edited by Danik 2016; 07-27-2016 at 09:55 PM.
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  14. #29
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    For those writing stories for the subject short story contest, there are still some days to go!
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

  15. #30
    On the road, but not! Danik 2016's Avatar
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    There are still two days to go.
    We are waiting for your submissions!
    "You can always find something better than death."
    Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, The Bremen Town Musicians

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