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Thread: Jokes, the worse the better

  1. #106
    Card-carrying Medievalist Lokasenna's Avatar
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    How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two. One to change the lightbulb, and one to hold the mother. I mean ladder. One to hold the ladder.
    "I should only believe in a God that would know how to dance. And when I saw my devil, I found him serious, thorough, profound, solemn: he was the spirit of gravity- through him all things fall. Not by wrath, but by laughter, do we slay. Come, let us slay the spirit of gravity!" - Nietzsche

  2. #107
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    On the M1 motorway today near Aberford, a transport vehicle carrying prisoners collided with a cement truck. Locals are warned to be on the lookout for hardened criminals.
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  3. #108
    Registered User DATo's Avatar
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    "Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." - Groucho Marx

  4. #109
    Three engineers are taking a cruise together when they decide to step out onto the deck for a cigarette. It turns out that none of them brought any means of lighting their smokes. After pondering their situation for a while, one of them decides to throw his cigarette overboard, thus making the whole boat a cigarette lighter

  5. #110
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    A man with a glass eye, two days before his scheduled visit to the proctologist, accidentally swallows his glass eye which he had placed in a glass of water while he was cleaning it. He was worried at first, but after calling his general practitioner doctor he learns he prolly won’t get sick and orders another glass eye on Amazon and soon forgets about the incident.

    He arrives for his proctology exam a few days later and is called into the doctor’s examination room. After undressing, he follows the doctor's instructions and bends over. The first thing the doctor sees is his patient's glass eye staring right back at him. “What's the matter,” said the doctor, “don't you trust me?”

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  6. #111
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    A dung beetle walks into a bar.


    "Hi. Is this stool taken?"

  7. #112
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, that's aboriginal.
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  8. #113
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Here's something I saw at the last tourist trap I visited that I am trying to get out of my head.

    Zombies eat brains. You're safe.


    And here's another:

    If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

  9. #114
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    Exit signs are on the way out.
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  10. #115
    Registered User tailor STATELY's Avatar
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    Two wrongs don't make a right... but three lefts do.

    Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
    tailor STATELY
    tailor

    who am I but a stitch in time
    what if I were to bare my soul
    would you see me origami

    7-8-2015

  11. #116
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    I went to a psychiatrist. He said: "As a young boy, what was your mother like?" I said: "My mother was never a young boy."
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  12. #117
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    A mate of mine reckons his dog will retrieve a stick from 5 kilometers away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.

  13. #118
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    I just got a great job helping a one-armed typist when she wants to do capital letters. It's shift work.
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  14. #119
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    Attorney: Why are you looking to be separated?

    Wife: Because he won't stop making Star Wars puns.

    Husband: Divorce is strong in this one.

  15. #120
    Registered User prendrelemick's Avatar
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    I'm thinking of making coffins out of glass, How popular they'll be remains to be seen.
    ay up

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