ARE YOU WEARING A CHRISTMAS CARDIGAN?

Are you wearing a Christmas Cardigan?
Please tell me youíre wearing it for a joke?
What do you mean itís comfortable?
Are you that Val Doonican bloke?

BAD SANTA # 3

Bad Santa is a bit of a perve
So naughty girl when he comes into view
It wonít be candy cane in his pocket
Heíll be really pleased to see you!

CHRISTMAS PICKUP # 3

When youíre on the pull
If you want to break the ice
Say something funny
Or say something nice
Be complimentary
Or just lie in your endeavour
Be devastatingly witty
Or say something clever
During the Christmas season
Walk up to them and say sweetly
ďHey Angel, Shouldn't you
Be on top of the tree?Ē

LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU # 3

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart,
But Iím sorry to say,
That your gift to me
Was chlamydia

ARE YOU WEARING RED TINSEL?

Are you wearing red tinsel?
Tied amidst your lustrous curls
Red can be a devilish colour
So are you a devilish kind of girl?

I DONíT LIKE THE SHORTENED FORM

I donít like the shortened form
Of Christmas, itís not quaint
I dislike it because Xmas sounds
Like some kind of skin complaint

DONíT LOOK BACKWARDS, MERELY

Donít look backwards, merely
Half-heartedly and insincerely
Remember those Christmasís clearly
And remember the people dearly

DOWN AT THE SHOPPING MALL

Down at the shopping mall
Thereís a lot of bustle and fuss
As the registers ring its beginning
To cost a lot like Christmas

THEY SAY THAT ITíS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

They say that itís the thought that counts
Rather than the size of the gift
But if you decided to give everyone your
Opinion in lieu they might be miffed

WE LOST THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

We lost the true meaning of Christmas
Almost from the start
Itís become about whatís in your pocket
And not what's in your heart