ARE YOU WEARING FAIRY DUST?

Are you wearing fairy dust?
If you’re a fairy it really is a must
But the one thing I cannot tell
Are you the one called Tinkerbelle?

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 336

There was a farmer,
Had a dog,
And Bingo was his name-o
A foolish name for a dog
But he loves it a Lotto

WASP IS AN ACRONYM

WASP is an acronym for
"White Anglo-Saxon Protestant"
The target demographic for UKIP
And Nigel Farage has their scent

WHINGING BRITS ABROAD # 2

We went on holiday to Spain
The taxi drivers were a nightmare
All of them were Spanish
Now how can that be fair?

THE PAPILLION AFFAIR

My friends happened to mention that
They didn’t particularly like butterflies
And my parents lost it completely,
Not caring for wherefores or whys
My friends became persona non grata
Treated as if they were evil Visigoths
It wasn’t as if they harmed butterflies
They just thought them arrogant Moths

THE BIG SALE STARTS TODAY

The big sale starts today,
30% Reduction Friday
Which comes the day after
50% increase Thursday

TURN ON COUNTDOWN

Last night I was watching Countdown
And Rachel Riley in a colourful gown
When I told my wife, where I am housed
That when watching Rachel I got Aroused
I could tell that I had let down my guard
Her instant response was to slap me, hard
She slapped me unconscious how absurd
And all I did was get a seven-letter word

POSTMAN LOSES SACK

“Postman loses sack”
The crossword-er said
How many letters?
A listener wondered
The former replied
About 500

THE HEAD OF GLOBAL SALES

The head of global sales
Bought a new kitten today
And when he took it home
He took it to the litter tray
And then he said “let’s not
Think outside the box, ok”

THE ONLY GOOD THING

The only good thing
About the end of Wimbledon
Is it means you’re two weeks
Closer to football season