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Thread: A Wonderful Day For Revenge

  1. #1
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    A Wonderful Day For Revenge

    It was a beautiful, sunny day with a gentle, pleasant breeze. I was dressed in a white polo shirt and khakis and holding a small black bag, as to look like a door-door salesman; how else would i expect someone to open a door for me? I walked down the sidewalk at a leisurely pace as i listened to the birds chirping in the trees, I couldn't help but smiling, their song was beautiful. The sun shone so beautifully on this day, i looked up and squinted, but smiled, its brilliance is unmatched. As I walked down the sidewalk, I read the numbers of the apartments quietly to myself, " we are, 867." I turned to walk on the sidewalk leading to the deep-blue door, as i approached it i could feel my heart rate rise, it beat hard against my chest as though it were trying to escape. Here I was, so ready, so prepared, i looked down, a tear coming to my eye, "I'm sorry Ari." i wiped it away quickly, looking back up and regaining focus. I knocked in a non-frantic, evenly spaced, 3 taps, Knock..Knock..Knock, i listened for voices, and waited for someone to come to the door. The slowest minute of my life passed, as i stared at my watch, every tick sounded as if it were an explosion in my ear, the anticipation was unbearable, i could barely wait any longer. and then, the lock clicked, and the knob turned,

    i smiled, an 18 year old boy answered the door, He greeted me, "hello", i responded in a calm, but cheerful voice, "Hello, i am here today to speak to you about a new product that is going to revolutionize your life", i fought a laugh down my throat, "Are your parents home?", "No, it's just me sorry, they are on vacation.", pulling a pen and pad from my pocket, "That is alright, could i get your name, and a number to call your parents when they get back?" he answered my question, unaware of how dangerous the words about to leave his mouth were, "Desmond ******, 823-...."

    at this i dropped the pen and pad on the ground, i pulled a taser and a small, wet rag out of my pocket, i clicked the button and swiftly stuck it into his side, the sound of electricity crackling was music to my ears, he convulsed and started to scream, but i stopped him by covering his mouth with the rag and pushing him back. my heart was racing, pumping boiling hot blood through my veins, he took short, panicked breaths, sealing his fate. i held him down on the ground until he lost consciousness. I swiftly stood up, turned around, grabbed my bag and closed the door, i turned the lock, the sound of the click so sweet i could almost taste it. my heart rate slowed, it was all easy from here on, but i had no time to waste, i walked over to him, and laid the bag down on the ground next to him. unzipping it, "it'll change your life" I laughed to myself. I took out several pieces of nylon rope. and a roll of duct-tape. i wrapped the nylon rope around his ankles a couple times. and then knotted it twice, i didn't intend on untying it, why would i care? i repeated this with his wrists, and then again at his elbows, pinning his arms to his torso. i was pretty happy with my handiwork, i didn't think he would be able to squirm much now. lastly i took the duct-tape, stretching it to a nice length, covering his mouth and wrapping it around his head twice for good measure, "we don't want you screaming now do we?". i took a moment and pulled up a chair i sat down, and got comfortable, now i just had to wait for him to wake up...what fun would it be starting without him?

    15 minutes passed sitting in the chair. and then he came to. his eyes shot open, and he tried to squirm but couldn't much other than his legs, i stood up out of the chair and walked over to him, straddling his chest, and staring straight into his eyes, he could feel the intensity of hatred in my eyes and i could immediately see beads of sweat form on his forehead, but i greeted him in a cheerful, kind voice, "hello, Desmond, I'm so glad you could join me for this, I'm going to enjoy this very much. and you?", a demented smile stretched across my face. "you...not so much" i laughed, he struggled harder to no avail. i stood up, taking a step over to the bag, "well Mr. Desmond, let's see what toys we are going to play with today shall we?" i bent over and reached both of my hands into the bag. picking up a blow-torch and a pocket knife, standing back up. flicking my knife open with a metallic click. i started thinking of all the things i was going to do to him, pictures flashed in my mind splattered with red, and the things...the things he did to her. some how, my thoughts became even more violent, i could feel my heart rate speed up again, my skin and blood heating up, i dropped hard onto him leading with my knee, breaking one of his ribs, i could hear the bone snap.

    the crack echoed through the empty home, his body convulsed as hard as the ties would allow, tears rushed from his eyes, i leaned forward, looking into his eyes and wiping his tears away with the back of the knife, "oh, don't cry, we are just getting started" i licked the knife, tasting his sweet tears, i laughed, i slid down his body, setting down the blow-torch and knife next to him, unbuttoning his pants, and unzipping them, "today is your lucky day, someone is going to touch your special place.", i pulled his pants down revealing his underwear, i pulled his underwear down, revealing his ****. i picked the knife back up, looking at the jagged teeth, they were so thirsty for blood, i grabbed him, and in no way was i gentle, i could hear his grunts, trying to struggle away from me but he was all mine, i placed the knife against it, taking a moment to take in the sweet taste of victory, "You won't be using this again." i pressed into his skin and pulled back slowly, letting the teeth rip into his flesh, his bright, crimson, blood spilling out, the knife and him both slowly getting covered, he was shaking, almost seizing, but he was still there, i could tell, i pushed harder and ripped the knife the rest of the way through him, blood squirting out on my hand, and splattering on my face, it was so warm, it felt wonderful as it streamed down, i smiled and a little got in my mouth, it tasted metallic, but sweet, i licked my lips for more, setting the knife down, i picked up the blowtorch off of the ground, pressing the button to start the flame, i teased the flame over the hole, cauterizing the wound, i couldn't have him bleeding out on me, there was so much to do, and his body went limp, i was confused for a moment, i panicked, "is he dead?"

    saddened, i set the knife and blow torch down, i waited a couple seconds, and looked at his chest, i saw it rise and fall, i was enraged, this piece of **** passed out on me!, i crawled up to sit on his chest making an extra effort to grind into his rib, and i punched him in the face, i could feel his jaw crack under the force, he was still out, i punched him again, and again this mother ****er wasn't going to sleep through his punishment, he woke up, and i smiled, "welcome back, i was so scared you were going to clock-out on me. so, lets continue shall we?" he cried more, i backhanded him, my nails putting cuts in his cheek, i yelled at him,"Don't cry, take your punishment like a man, you forced her to be a woman, but you can't be a man?! you ****ing filth."

    i spit in his face, then reached over to the bag and brought it closer to me, i rustled around in it, the sound of the tools made little clinking sounds like wind chimes, and grabbed my small bone saw, i grabbed my torch as well, i slid down to his waist, setting down the torch, and grabbing his hand, looking down, i once again admired how well i had tied him, and smiled, then i singled out one of his fingers, he tried to keep his hand closed, but i pried it open and pressed the saw against the base of his finger, "you'll never touch a woman again" as i violently sawed back and forth, the flesh ripping, blood squirted out of him, a beautiful fountain of scarlet fluid streaming down his stomach, i thought to myself "when did i put on a red shirt?" his first finger, was severed completely now and laying on the ground, i took the torch, and swiftly sealed the wound, i repeated this process for each of fingers, on both hands, his stomach and pants now a deep red and soaked.

    i couldn't feel bad, my sympathy had worn away years ago, every time i looked into her eyes, i felt her pain...every time a little bit of my sanity wore away, now. he was finally paying for what he did to her. i sat down the torch and saw next to him, i was done with them. i reached into the bag, and revealed a straight razor as i flipped open the knife, the glint off the blade filled my head with the most horrific images, i saw her...but. everything was red, she...she was so red, that day a single blade almost took her away from me, thankfully the EMTs saved her life, "minutes", they told me when i asked how close i was to losing her, it was never the same after that..., i snapped out of my memory, back to what i was doing, my face now covered in tears, i wiped them away, this was no time for weakness.

    "She took what you did out on herself, now...heh, I'm going to take what she did out on you" i slid down a bit more, to his knees, pulling his deep-red pants down to reveal his thighs, already dripping in blood, i took the razor, "a cut, for a cut" i said, more pictures flashing past my eyes, i pressed the razor against his skin, and drew it back slowly, the blade separating his skin and leaving a trail of red spilling out from where it once was. this..this was the hard for me, no matter how hard i tried to focus on him, i kept seeing her, each cut i could feel in my heart, but i continued, slowly creating a web of entangled cuts across his thighs, i counted each cut as a drew, i was a man of my word after all, a cut for a cut i thought, because, i did know how many she had, i had committed each and every one to memory, the pattern on her legs seared into my mind, i remember every night, i couldn't forget..., i left the cuts running, he wouldn't bleed out that quickly.

    i set the razor on the floor now, reaching into the bag again. pulling out a glass bottle filled with a clear liquid, crawling up to sit on his chest once again, i looked at his pathetic face, now a deep purple from being hit earlier, "how rude of me, you must be thirsty, would you like a drink?" he struggled to shake his head, no, i punched him dead on, breaking his nose. "let me ask that again, would you like, a drink?" he shook his head no again, i punched him in the face again, this time across his already bruised cheek, then making an extra effort to press hard on his ribs, "Sir, i think, you would like a drink, wouldn't you?" this man, now broken beyond comprehension, nodded yes, "oh good, I'm glad i could help you then." i tore off the tape, he was too broken to scream, he just wept, i grabbed his jaw with my left hand, pulling it open, no resistance. "this is how you did it, wasn't it Mr. Desmond? just, helped yourself? Ariana killed herself yesterday" a picture of blood splatter on my bathroom wall filled my eyes, bringing me to tears. "what....what you did that day destroyed her, and you could never pay enough for that...maybe hell will do you justice." i poured the contents of the bottle down his throat, watching as it bubbled and dissolved his tongue, steam rising from his throat, he choked as much as he could, sending blood spewing from his mouth, it was 10 seconds before his body went lifeless.

    i reached into the bag a final time, picking up a handgun with no magazine, just a single bullet in the chamber, and a phone, i looked at it, hands shaking, and covered in blood, i dialed, 9-1-1, i listened as the phone rang and pressed the gun to my temple, , a nice lady picked up the phone, "911, where is your emergency?" i replied, voice shaky and scared, "hello, i would like to report a murder" and i squeezed the trigger, then it all went black...
    Last edited by JustAWannaB; 09-03-2015 at 10:12 AM. Reason: a few, small fixes

  2. #2
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    Aug 2015
    The story isn't in complete sentences, i have a lot of revising and cleaning up to do. I figured i would just post to get some early feedback. both good and bad things you have to say about my writing are greatly appreciated im looking forward to anything anyone has to say. thank you if you choose to leave a comment. P.S. i know i spammed commas, a lot. it is a habit. i will fix that when i revise it. also, my first time writing any type of story. i hope it isn't too dry.
    Last edited by JustAWannaB; 08-31-2015 at 09:32 PM. Reason: P.S. , wording fix

  3. #3
    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Apr 2013
    Falls Church, Virginia
    Well I don't know. It's bit too violent for my taste. It just seems to go overboard. It's also very hard to read a single block of text like this. It doesn't have to be a perfectly finished piece to post, but at least you should add paragraph spaces. Most readers will look at this, see about 80 lines of text with no breaks, and then click the "back" button. Don't be surprised if you get no other replies for that reason alone.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by 108 fountains View Post
    Well I don't know. It's bit too violent for my taste. It just seems to go overboard. It's also very hard to read a single block of text like this. It doesn't have to be a perfectly finished piece to post, but at least you should add paragraph spaces. Most readers will look at this, see about 80 lines of text with no breaks, and then click the "back" button. Don't be surprised if you get no other replies for that reason alone.
    Thank you for your feedback, i will definitely add some spacing later today.

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