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Thread: Goodbye Sneaker, You Won't Return!

  1. #1
    New Secret NewSecret's Avatar
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    Goodbye Sneaker, You Won't Return!

    "You said you were searching for answers. You came over here

    like I knew what you wanted to know. You act like you assume anyone

    you approach is going to say it's okay I feel like some douche who wants

    his ear talked off and I'm not enjoying myself enough so hey it's not a

    problem if random headscrews get in the way of what I'm up to so

    they can ask me off-topic nonsense that doesn't relate to anything

    that matters. I ain't got your profound realizations. I ain't got your

    insightful formula to success. And even if I had the secret to success

    I sure as definite wouldn't be gushing the details at some intoxicated

    foul unintelligible asshat like you. If there was another level even if

    you knew how to do the secret jump to get there you'd totally miss

    then go flying off the radar and go smack into the concrete at

    the bottom of a mountain somewhere nobody's ever been. That's what I

    think! You said you were going to funnel octane in your tank then go

    burn tires on the pavement. You want to get in on a little secret.

    Like there's a shelf of tricks you can casually walk over to and browse

    to your heart's content. You want to kick a *****. You want to see what's

    in someones wallet. You got repulsive desires. I seen 'tards like

    you before, gettin' all sweet with a grin and a handshake, thinkin' you

    can get in so easily then go dirtbag on everyone. Well, that ain't

    gonna happen this time."





    "You see, if you look over there you'll find an amusement park with

    all the rides and all those prizes. If you go over there maybe they'll

    put you to work. You could sweep the clutter up for some money

    or get a wash cloth and shine up the merry-go-round for some money.

    You could watch the entrance to make sure everyone pays before they

    go inside for some money. Whatever it is you do over there is going to

    get you far more than you're going to get right here with me so I

    ain't going to tell you again."





    "What amazes me about you is you don't know what it means when

    they say, 'Go jump off a tall building without a parachute.’ Maybe you should

    take those words as wisdom and heed them. You're all mixed up. Gettin'

    everything backwards. You don't know your *** from your face. Maybe you should"





    The doorbell rings.





    Benjamin was watching a boring 70s movie. He was lying on his couch with

    his head on a cushion, half-drooling like a baby as the generic movie played.

    He shook himself out of the half-drowsy innattention that he was in as he lazily

    slid off his couch with his tee-shirt half-tucked into his sweat pants and half

    hanging loose.





    The doorbell rang again.





    "Hey!" Benjamin said in a scruffy tone, "Brake your speedcar, would ya? I will be

    there in a second!" He rubbed his unshaven and hairy cheek with the back of his

    hand. It was the wee hours of Monday morning and he hadn't shaved all weekend.

    He reached his hand over the television controller on the coffee table and pressed

    the mute button with his pointer finger.





    The doorbell rang again. He didn't react with a comment.





    Benjamin unlocked the deadbolt while he squinted through the eyehole. It was

    Emmalyn. He opened the door.





    "Emmalyn, how are ya?" He said in a smooth manner. Emmalyn lived on

    the other side of the roundabout. If you looked out Benjamin's front door, you

    could see her high-end Lexus parked in her driveway. She had an elaborate

    flower bed that she paid a maintenance man to look after for her and

    a top-end sculpture of a mythological god watched over her flowers. He's

    only ever seen her in the daytime. He wondered what she could want at this hour.

    Emmalyn seemed very concerned. She said, "I'm terrified and I need help!

    Can I come in?" Her hands were trembling and she really did look terrified.

    Benjamin let Emmalyn in. When she was inside he shut the door and locked it.





    He said, "What are you all fussy about? Are you in trouble?"





    Emmalyn went quickly to the window and opened one of the curtains. She said,

    "Come and look, tell me if you see anyone sneakin' around my house."





    Benjamin raised an eyebrow and said, "Who am I lookin' for?"





    "I don't know." She replied. "I got up to get a drink of water when

    I heard a loud crash in the laundry room. I assumed someone was climbing

    through the laundry room window so I quickly went back to my room then

    got dressed. A minute later I was out the door and on my way over there.

    It was awful. Nobody has ever tried to break in to my house before."

    They both looked intently across the roundabout that separated their houses.

    The lights were on in her house but they couldn't see anyone.





    Benjamin asked, "Did you leave your lights on?"





    "No." She replied, "It was dark as ever in there. I only leave the

    hall light on when I sleep at night."





    Benjamin said, "Wait, I think I see someone. There, in your sideyard

    behind the tree. Do you see him? He's fiddlin' with the window."





    Emmalyn replied, "Yes, I see him. What should we do?"





    The shape moved again very quickly. Abnormally quick. It ran at Benjamin's

    house with inhuman speed. They couldn't see any details in the shape, it remained

    like a shadow, even when passing under the lights. It went out of Benjamin and Emmalyn's

    view as it neared Benjamin's house.





    "He's headed our way, Benjamin! What are we going to do?!" Said Emmalyn.

    Benjamin's cat screamed for a second before it's yowling was cut short.

    There was a loud thump on the wall as though the sneaker threw Benjamin's

    cat at it hard.





    Emmalyn cried out, "Oh no! Not your cat! Benjamin, he got your cat!"





    Benjamin said, "Don't worry, I won't let the sneaker hurt us. I will kill him

    before I will ever let him touch you. Don't you worry at all."





    A window in the rear side of the house suddenly shattered. Emmalyn

    took Benjamin's arm and squeezed it. She said, "But didn't you see how quickly he was

    running? He's probably very violent."





    Benjamin replied, "I'm fairly quick myself." He said, "Here, let me get this then

    we'll go out to the garage before he finds us. I got some deadly things out there

    to defend us with."





    Benjamin went to the coat rack near the door where a bin contained a few

    umbrellas along with a section of piping about two and a half feet in length and

    weighed a good ten pounds. He showed Emmalyn how dangerous it was with a

    heavy swing. He said, "You see this pipe? I can kill a cow with this, so don't

    you worry. I'm tough enough to take a freak runner."





    Benjamin and Emmalyn left the living room for the garage through the kitchen,

    away from the rear side of the house where the sneaker was.





    In the empty living room the old movie was playing still muted on the television

    set, throwing a soft light across the room. On the screen a man wearing a trench coat

    and a fedora was having a conversation with a woman in a dress. They looked like

    they were in love.





    Inside the garage it was bitingly cool and a faint odor of unusedness lightly tinged

    the air. Benjamin didn't turn the garage light on for two reasons; one, the light would

    easily shine through the crack at the bottom of the garage-house door and two, the

    air conditioning system was very loud and would definitely give away their

    location like a beacon in the night.





    Benjamin grabbed a flashlight off the workbench near the door and they used it to find

    their way around the garage. A 60s era car was in the center area of the garage,

    covered with a car-tarp. They whispered when they said anything to eachother now.





    Benjamin whispered, "Here Emmalyn, take this jigsaw and duck low behind the car. If the sneaker

    comes close enough you can do some serious damage to him. Make sure you don't get tangled on the

    cord though or else it wont work. Cover your finger over the button right here and remember

    that it will give you a kick when you turn it on." He was shining the light on the jigsaw as

    he explained how to use it. He shined the light up at her face from below her chin, giving

    her an ominous appearance and said, "You get what I'm saying?"





    She was youthful for her age. She couldn't be much younger than him and he was 33. He

    didn't know because he never asked her. It was probably not a good idea to ask her how

    old she was either. And although she wasn't at her best this very moment she had a

    beauty about her that he found hypnotic. She nodded at his question and slowly took the

    jigsaw out of his hand. They looked each other in the eyes once more before he left her

    alone behind the car.





    The moonlight shone through the glazed garage windows enough that a dark blue tint filled

    the room but there wasn't enough light to make out any pronounced shapes or walk around without

    hitting your shins on something.





    Benjamin had a several work benches in the garage and he went to one of them that had a plethora

    of tools sitting out. He layed the piping he got out of the umbrella bin in the living room on the

    work bench with the other tools then went to the wall display and took one of the chainsaws off the hook.

    The chainsaw he chose was gas powered and required a yank on a zip line to turn it on.





    Benjamin turned his flashlight off and set it on the work bench then he waited for the sneaker to

    enter the garage off to the side of the door. He looked over to where Emmalyn was waiting and he

    could barely make out her outline in the darkness. He was confident in their advantage over

    the sneaker.





    They waited for nearly a minute before Benjamin heard the sneaker getting near. The sneaker made

    some noise close to the door. Benjamin held his chainsaw at the ready with one hand tight on

    the zipline, ready to cut the sneaker into a bloody mess. As he thought he would, the sneaker neared the

    garage door and Benjamin heard the doorknob make a tiny sound. Benjamin got excited in his

    impatience to get the chainsaw going but he held on until the very final second when the door

    cracked ever so slightly.





    The lights were suddenly on and Emmalyn's hiding area was suddenly not so secret anymore. She watched

    in horror as Benjamin yanked the zip line on the chainsaw and the loud grind of the saw exploded

    throughout the garage. It all happened very quickly. The sneaker was surprised to see Benjamin in his

    face with a chainsaw. The sneaker made a jump to the side to avoid Benjamin's wild gashing with the

    chainsaw but there wasn't enough room with the lip of the work bench in his way. Benjamin ground

    into the sneaker with all his might, getting the sneaker square in the small of his back with

    the side of the chainsaw, pushing him further off of his feet with the same action. The chainsaw

    slid, gnawing countless small chunks of flesh out of the sneaker before he fell on the floor.

    Benjamin, knowing that was all that was needed to disable the sneaker, turned off the chainsaw and

    all that was left was a desperate heartbreaker of a cry out of the sneaker as he crawled

    away from Benjamin who had retrieved the piping that he brought with him into the garage.





    Emmalyn had tears in her eyes as she carefully set the jigsaw on the floor. The sneaker

    slowly crawled in her direction but she went further around the car to get more in his way. Benjamin kicked

    the sneaker in the chainsaw wound and his face hit the cement floor hard.





    Benjamin pinched the top of the nylon mask that the sneaker was wearing in one hand while holding

    the piping in the other. He had the sneaker pinned to the floor with a heavy foot. He said to

    Emmalyn, "Let's take a good look at what our enemy here looks like before we continue." With that

    he jerked the nylon mask off the sneakers head.





    Emmalyn covered her mouth with a slender hand, surprised at what she saw.





    Benjamin said, “My God, what is that?!”




    The sneaker had no ears and roundish earmuff-like domes protruded from the

    sides of its head in a bubble like fashion. All of his skin was covered

    in a fur-like hair except for his lips. His chin was extra long and much

    wider than any chin Benjamin had ever seen before.




    The sneaker was writhing and moaning in agony but Benjamin held his

    foot firm, disallowing the sneaker from moving.




    “Are those horns?” Emmalyn asked.




    “It appears so,” Benjamin replied. He said, “So we should probably call

    animal control, right? This thing looks more like a chupacabra than anything.

    We could tie him up or I can crush his ungodly head in right now,

    what’s it gonna be, Emmalyn?”




    Emmalyn replied, “Let’s tie him up.”




    Benjamin said, “Sounds like a good idea. Maybe he’s bigfoot. He might die,

    you know.”




    Emmalyn said, “Serves him right.”




    Benjamin said, “Hurry, run over to the table and get that roooooooooope-

    what in the name of. . . do you see that?”




    He was referring to a glowing shine that shifted with a neon luminescence,

    emanating off the sneaker’s hair.




    Emmalyn observed the odd glow briefly before quickly retrieving the rope

    as requested.




    Benjamin turned the sneaker over onto his back. His eyes were a vicious

    piss yellow and they had a hypnotizing quality to them. No pupils.




    Emmalyn let go of the rope and covered her ears. She shut her eyes

    and whined, “He’s. . . got. . . a. . . mind. . . power. . . “ She fell

    to her knees and clenched her jaw.




    The sneaker was hissing lowly under his breath as he watched

    Emmalyn intently.




    Benjamin tightened his grip on the piping then swung at the sneaker’s

    upper torso with all of his might. The piping made a dull noise. The

    sneaker made a choking noise. Benjamin swung again with an equal force

    square on the sneaker’s forehead. With a loud crunchy crack, the sneaker died.




    Emmalyn opened her eyes. The sneaker’s power had ended before it

    could do her permanent harm.




    Benjamin tossed the piping on the garage floor and they both got up.

    Emmalyn threw herself into Benjamin’s loving arms.
    Last edited by NewSecret; 08-14-2015 at 04:36 AM.
    20 short stories for your reading amusement.
    http://www.online-literature.com/for...p?14969-Shorts

  2. #2
    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    This is a pretty good effort. The best part, in my opinion, is near the beginning when you build up a lot of suspense when the couple first see the "sneaker" and when they are hiding in the garage waiting for the sneaker to approach them. The following scenes of struggle between the sneaker and Benjamin are kind of disappointing. Of course, it's not meant to be a believable story, but it just seems to me you overdid it a little. My reaction to the sneaker surviving a chainsaw thrust into the small of his back was "Nah, I don't think so." Then the "mind power" bit at the end just seemed way over the top. It would seem more authentic if you lost the mind power bit and injure the sneaker with the piping and then finish him off with the chain saw instead of the other way around. But that's just a suggestion that you are free to take or ignore.

    One thing that I would very strongly recommend, however, is that you just drop the first three long paragraphs and begin with "The doorbell rings." The first three paragraphs have absolutely nothing to do with the story, and the monologue is pretty awful stuff. I nearly stopped reading about halfway through that long, 21-line first paragraph. (I bet you lost a lot of other readers with that, too.) Then once I got to the part where I realized those three paragraphs had nothing to do with the rest of the story, I really felt annoyed and cheated. The story would be much better if you just dropped all that and the start where the actual story begins.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

  3. #3
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    I thought this one was about footwear. Have you checked out the price of sneakers lately? You can't even get a cheap pair of knock-offs at Wal-Mart anymore. That's what's really scary!

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