Originally Posted by
Pompey Bum
Oh Easy, I'm sorry you had to deal all that, especially when you were so young. I know what you mean about people--religious and otherwise--who try to console you by minimizing the impact. I was talking to my physician about my family health history, and when I got to my Mother's cancer death when I was a young man, I choked up for a moment, then apologized, telling her that although it happened decades ago, I never really got over it. She told me in a very sensitive way, although an ultimately clinical one (in other words, she wasn't just trying to cheer me up) that the cutting edge psychiatry these days is that you never really get over that kind of thing: you just hide it because there is all this social pressure on you to stop grieving and move on. So your own suffering becomes a kind of dirty secret.
You have to forgive people when they do that. They are uncomfortable about death, too, and most of all they don't know what to say (which is why their goal is to get you to move on). Or maybe some are just inept. The doctor I mentioned is awesome, but I've had one or two real nincompoops in terms of the simple human support that you are talking about. I was diagnosed with lymphoma in my 20s, after an exit physical when I got out of the Peace Corps. The idiot doctor had a technician call me at my hotel to tell me the happy news on a Friday, with instructions to drop by and talk to him on Monday. Good news, he told me then, the kind of lymphoma I had had a high survival rate; although he couldn't promise anything, and there would be difficult treatments ahead. Apparently he never even considered the lost weekend I had just spent under the impression that I was terminally ill. But it's not like he didn't have bedside manner. He told me that the Peace Corps would be sending me home, and asked me where that was. When I told him Boston, a big smile spread across his face, apparently because of the excellent cancer facilities there. "Boston," I swear he said to me, "is a GREAT town to have cancer in!" Hey, you have to look for the positive. It helps so much to laugh at that kind of cluelessness now. But it's good to forgive, too. (It was a pretty rough weekend, though).
Yes, I believe that we are here to reject nihilism and choose the Good. Perhaps that goes a way toward explaining God's apparent silence in the face of suffering. But why does it happen in the first place? Why couldn't an omnipotent God have found a way that didn't involve suffering in the first place? Those are rhetorical questions at this point. I don't think they have answers that we are going to get--for now.