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Thread: First draft of the first chapter of my first not-school-related text

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    Jun 2015

    First draft of the first chapter of my first not-school-related text

    Chapter 1, Birds

    Screams from women and girls echoed through the tower where I was held captive. The sounds of innocence and humbleness being torn apart and the sounds of sin and gluttony flourishing were standards for my lonely nights in the tower. Although, I did not understand that these sounds were created from evil doing, how could I? I was merely a caged animal, born and raised in captivity, never to set a foot in the outside world.

    Three knocks on the wooden door across the room woke me up this particular morning. Three knocks meant food.
    I rose from my bed with silken sheets and hurried to the wooden door. Through an opening in the door, a blue porcelain plate filled with fruits, vegetables and rice, slid through.
    The wind from the enormous arched window next to my bed caressed my black hair. The wind made me smile. It was my friend, my only friend. The wind spoke to me, nobody ever spoke to me, it touched my bare body and made the silk in my bed dance.
    I sat down in the window while eating my food. The view was the only thing that kept me from getting bored here. One hundred meters below was the royal palace and the noble quarters. The yellow roof tiles of the royal walls separating the palace from the quarters made me think of the sun. A short distance from the palace laid the royal dojo where the great Guardians of the High Heavens were trained. Beyond the noble walls, you could see the Underling quarter. The Underlings were the outcasts of society.
    But since I had no knowledge of the city, the royal family, or any family what so ever, I paid little to no attention to the city. The stale buildings didn’t catch my interest, but the nature which you could see behind the Underling quarters, was very much interesting. Monkeys could be seen jumping from treetop to treetop, birds of all sizes soared the skies and clouds painted the sky.
    I always admired the birds the most. They radiated a sense of freedom, as if they were the essence of it. I once tried to fly like the birds did, but fortunately my fear prevented me from jumping out the window. And after that occasion, I realised, I would never be a bird.

    Just when I finished my meal, I noticed something, something that would change my life forever. An enormous beige-feathered bird set course straight towards me. Meanwhile the city gong gong echoed through the city. Men shouted and gathered in groups. A brief silence and then salvos of arrows were shot towards the bird. But the arrows didn’t hit their mark, not a single one of them. As the arrows got close to the bird, they scorched in flames and were burnt to ashes.
    The men silenced, the women as well, nature, children, existence, they all silenced. Or maybe it was all in my head. I gazed into the birds eyes, and it gazed into mine. It came closer and closer, I could feel the warmth. But it didn’t feel scorching to me, it just feel warm, like a baby feels warm when she finds her mother. The bird stopped right in front of me, it’s wings created wind gusts that blew my hair.
    Suddenly, it lowered it’s head. I took a grip on the feathers right above the beak, and I climbed. The feathers felt smooth against my naked breasts, arms and legs. I felt connected to this animal, and I think it felt connected to me as well. Never in my life had I uttered a word, but suddenly I heard a voice in my head and I whispered: “飞”, fly. The bird flapped it’s wings and we soared through the sky. I laughed, held my arms into the sky and felt the wind as I’ve never felt it before.

    “Am I a bird, am I… free?”

    Please be brutal, criticize as much as you can. Keep in mind that English is my second language though, and I'm 16 y/o.

  2. #2
    Registered User Steven Hunley's Avatar
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    Sep 2009
    San Diego Calif.
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    It's good enough to find a title for.

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