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Thread: Today I Found Milk!

  1. #1
    The Wolf of Larsen WolfLarsen's Avatar
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    Exclamation Today I Found Milk!

    Today I Found Milk!
    A short story by Wolf Larsen

    Warning: please stop reading now if you're very religious or if you have a problem with sex. In fact, if you have a problem with sex don't read anything I write. You have been warned!

    Today I found milk! Today I took all my nuclear submarines & belly buttons & testicles out of my dresser drawer, and I took them all to the store and I bought milk! Milk! A treasure! Gold! The people had a parade for me: I found milk!

    The minors all digging into different parts of the giant orange sky all screamed: he found milk!

    At the store I found clouds, and numerous absurdities, and I even found dead people who were now alive! Milk! I might as well have found Marilyn Monroe ****ing all the horsemen of the apocalypse! Milk! I might as well have found 10,000 strangers all exchanging body organs with each other. I might as well have been dancing to the tune of neo-classical music bursting out of a giant baboon’s *** in heaven! Milk! Tidal waves of earthquakes are going to roll through our brains as the drums play the heavens falling down upon us — milk! — Today I found milk!

    I also scored a kilo of coffee — a kilo of coffee! — Soon the rainbows are going to be whispering their celestial drugs to us! A kilo of coffee! Soon the gods are going to unleash all their orgasms upon all the species in the universe! A kilo of coffee! A kilo! A whole kilo! You might as well invite the devil & God to preside over the homosexual orgies of the 22nd century — because a kilo of coffee! — because a kilo of dreams!

    Maybe tomorrow I’ll find soap! Soap! May the sky tickle me! May all the whorehouses bless me with centuries of anuses & vaginas! Soap! If only I could find real soap! The kind you take a shower with! Then I might kiss every sunset that has ever blasted across the sky! If only tomorrow I could find some soap! And without waiting in a line that goes around the block!

    This is not socialism! This is capitalism dressed up in the lingerie of socialism!

    What if I found detergent? You know the kind you wash your clothes with! Detergent! May every cop in America kiss my butt ox if only I could find some detergent! You know, to clean my clothes! Hell, I might as well pray to all the cockroaches for God’s great big butt ox to sing to me like Pavarotti! Detergent! Hallelujah! Detergent!

    And toilet paper! Hey brother, can you spare some toilet paper? But if I can’t find toilet paper I can always use the currency to wipe my *** with! So much currency! Forget about big wads of cash — that ain’t nothin’ — I carry around whole bricks of cash! — and I can’t even buy milk on most days! What if I took the giant butterflies out of my crotch and rode across the universe with them? Do you wish for more money? But you can’t buy anything with these bricks of money you carry around with you! You might as well jump into somebody else’s anus and stay there for a century!

    How about granola cereal? Granola cereal? How about playing the blue sky with your fingers? How about kissing Barack Obama’s & George Bush’s butt ox over & over again until you don’t know which sky you live under! You might as well pull all the elephants & donkeys of Congress out of your ***! You might as well worship the **** in the toilet you just created! How about that for an artistic statement?!

    Just goddamn it! Goddammit to all the birds in the sky! Goddammit to all the toenails on our feet! Granola cereal? You want granola cereal?!

    It’s the socialism of capitalists who wear pink & red shirts and shout endless slogans praising a revolution that never happened! I met this fanatical revolutionary! The revolution had paid for her tits & ***! Tits & ***! Where’d you get that tits & ***? She got it from the revolution! She’s a revolutionary! So the revolution paid for it! Most days I can’t get no milk, no detergent, no soap, no coffee — but she can get some tits and ***!

    I can’t get no toilet paper either! Should I start using my left hand? I use my right hand for masturbation — so I sure as hell ain’t gonna use my right hand as toilet paper!

    I know who’s got the toilet paper! The rich people got it! They’ve got all of it! I’m going to break into some rich person’s house and steal all the toilet paper! How you like me now you bourgeois mother****ers?!

    In this revolution the rich people got all the tits & ***, and they got all the toilet paper too! I don’t give a **** if they’re right-wing or “left”-wing capitalist *******s, I just want some toilet paper! When I break into the rich people’s homes I ain’t going to steal their money, or their caviar, or their jewelry. I’m going to steal all the toilet paper! Imagine the rich people’s surprise when after they’re done sitting on their thrones and there ain’t no toilet paper! Because I’m going to steal from the rich, and give to the poor!

    Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen
    Last edited by WolfLarsen; 06-04-2015 at 09:40 AM.
    "...the ramblings of a narcissistic, self-obsessed, deranged mind."
    My poetry, plays, novels, & other stuff on Amazon:
    http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr...or=Wolf Larsen

  2. #2
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    The story of the political point of view strong.
    thank you

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